He ran a hand through his hair. “Do you want to keep being casual then?”
“No,” I said fiercely. “God, no, I can’t. I’d rather just be friends.”
He reared back. “Friends. Okay.”
“No! I don’t mean that’s what I want. I want…” I smiled wryly. “Not to sound like a mid-two-thousands rom-com, but I want you.”
He grinned. “Good. Then we’re together.”
“But I think…” I said slowly, trying to figure out my actual hesitation, “I don’t want anyone to know we’re dating.”
He winced.
I winced too. “Sorry. It sounds shittier out loud. I just want to make sure it’s real, before my dad finds out.” Because if this imploded, I wanted to be able to hide it. “Dad puts up with a lot. Every time I go through a breakup, he’s there. He’s the one who hugs me and watches Netflix and makes popcorn with mini chocolate chips. I don’t want him to have to do that again.” This time, if my heart broke, I’d keep it hidden.
Ethan stood, pacing the few feet the room allowed. I stood too, and sat on the edge of his bed.
“Look,” Ethan said. “I don’t want to get between you and your dad. But I also don’t want your dad to get between you and me.” He looked embarrassed and frustrated. “I don’t want you to decide it’s not worth being with me because we might break up and it’ll be hard on your dad. He’s an adult. He’ll be fine.”
“I know,” I said softly. “I just don’t want him to thinkI’mnot fine.”
“Maybe youshouldn’tbe fine if you go through a breakup. Maybe that’s okay.”
I groaned. “Why do you have to be so sensible?”
“That’s me.” He sounded a little happier. “Sensible Ethan, that’s what they all say.” He brightened even more. “I guess if no one knows we’re dating, no one’ll keep an eye on what rooms we’re in at night.”
I rolled my eyes and bit back a smile. “You’re incorrigible.”
He grinned. “You love it.”
I knew he was just tossing out the word, but it made somethingdeep in my stomach clench, like I’d been called out in a way I hadn’t been prepared for.
Ethan didn’t notice. “So basically, we’re gonna…keep doing what we’re currently doing?”
When he put it that way…“Well, yeah. But exclusively.”
His brows shot up. “Have we not been exclusive all summer?”
I blushed. Ethan Barbanel, making me blush! “I guess. I have. Have you?”
He laughed and dropped down to sit next to me. “Yeah.”
“Oh.” I felt a flood of relief and delight. So hehadn’tbeen hooking up with the girl from the dunk tank or the beach party. At least, not this year. “Okay. Good. Well, now we’ll be exclusive intentionally. And…”
His brows got even higher. “And?”
“And now it’s not…just…physical.” The words got harder and harder to push out of my mouth. God, it was hard to be emotionally vulnerable, who signed up for this? “Now we’re doing this with the acknowledgment that we…we…like each other.”
He grinned. “So you’re obsessed with meandyou like me.”
I scowled. “If you don’t say it back I will shove you off this bed.”
He laughed and slid his hand up my neck. “I like you so much, Jordan Edelman,” he murmured, and he kissed me again.
Twenty
The next day, I stood on the deck next to Dad as Nantucket became a raised line on the horizon.Home, I thought, with a swell of fondness, though of course Nantucket wasn’t home. But it felt like it, after almost two months. Maybe because the island was so small, so easy to know quickly; maybe because natural beauty had a way of burrowing deep inside your heart.
