“You could have introduced yourself.” He grinned. “Besides, if we did introductions, she would have stuck around longer.”
I raised my brows. “You didn’t want her to?”
He shrugged. In the moonlight, he looked like a statue gilded in silver. “I like my current company.”
Butterflies danced within me. Oh no.
Because I knew how to respond to that, and Iwantedto respond by flirting back. The problem with me and Ethan, I was beginning to realize, was we were too much alike. We found flirting easy and comfortable. It was our default.
I turned away, pulling my knees to my chest. It was the alcohol, and the pitch-black ocean, and the moon making me drop my guard. The moon drove people mad, they used to say. “I have a goal this summer.”
“A goal,” Ethan echoed.
“Yeah. You know how you mentioned my—messy dating record? I don’t want to be messy anymore.” I wasn’t sure if I was warning him away or making a promise to the universe. “No more chaotic choices. Like hooking up with strangers.”
“What about non-strangers?”
I tried not to think about our encounter on the ferry, about how much I’d liked his heat, his solidness, his hands. “No,” I said firmly. “I have to take a break. I suck at dating, even casually, since I always fall for whoever I’m hooking up with. I like them more than they like me, and I get my heart broken. And I’m really tired of trying to put it back together.”
He looked at me a long moment, the moonlight pouring over him. “I see.”
I could hear the party around us, the thump of the music, the roar of laughter and yelling, all underscored by the ceaseless roar of the surf. His eyes were bright and steady, and I wondered what he saw, or thought he did. If he understood how hard I could fall for him if I let myself, and how I refused to do so.
He glanced away first. “Well, I’m an expert at getting my heart broken. I get it broken all the time.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup.” He flashed a grin. “I’m like Humpty-Dumpty with my heart.”
“Are you? Because they couldn’t put Humpty-Dumpty together again.”
Ethan blinked. “Oh. Right. Okay, I’m Humpty-Dumpty 2.0. I get better and faster at piecing my heart back together every time it gets smashed.”
I would have expected Ethan to do the heartbreaking, not the other way around. “Who’s broken your heart?”
“Who hasn’t?” Ethan said lightly. He ticked the first off on his finger. “Sophia Cooper. Told me she wanted someone smart, not a dumb jock.”
“Are you serious? She called you a dumb jock?”
“Nah, but she said I only thought about lacrosse. In my defense, it was the height of the season. Trinity Chen,” he continued, unfolding another finger. “Told me I wasn’t serious enough.Ithought I was serious, but apparently not. Ashley Shields. Dumped me for Brian Campedelli. He got into MIT early decision. Maya Perez. Told me she was looking for a real relationship.”
I felt insulted on Ethan’s behalf. “These girls sound mean.”
“Nah.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “They just had their own view of things.”
“Well, they sound like jerks.”
He smiled briefly. “What about your broken hearts?”
“Oh, wow, let’s see.” I leaned back on my hands. “My last real boyfriend broke up with me at Thanksgiving. Then I had a huge crush on this boy at work, who ghosted me. After him, I had a friend-with-benefits who I ended up liking, even though he was kind of a jerk. He ghosted me, too, but he went to my school so it was harder. Then he showed up at prom with a real girlfriend, which was salt in the wound.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Before Louis—my ex—I dated two guys junior year, both of whom I thought were, like, my soulmate—but they both dumped me. The summer between sophomore and junior yearI was obsessed with this guy at the diner, but we spent half our time fighting. So on and so forth. Apparently I’m bad at picking people.”
He was quiet a moment. “Sorry. Sounds like a lot of shitty experiences.”
“That’s life, isn’t it?” I tried to sound less weary than I felt. I shook it off, tired of the subject, tired of being the kind of person I apparently was, a person who was easy to hook up with and easy to abandon. I expected Ethan was equally tired of being considered a goof by both his family and his girlfriends. “You should tell your parents to take you more seriously. They shouldn’t dismiss how hard you work.”
