“Of course!” Miriam sounded scandalized I’d bothered to ask. “You can have whatever you want.”
Whatever I want. But what I wanted was to not be here; to be, instead, in my cozy house back home, with Dad there, too.
Miriam showed me the cabinet of eclectic mugs, and I poured a brimming cup into one with a Georgia O’Keeffe painting. I guess that was what counted for spicy among rich people. “Sugar or milk?” Miriam asked, a perfect tiny hostess.
“I’m good.” I clutched my mug. Some days, my morning cup of coffee felt like the only good and beautiful thing in the world. What was I going todohere?
“What do you do?” I asked Miriam. “Do you go to camp, or have a job, or what?”
“I volunteer at the Atheneum.” She nodded at the triplets across the room. “They go to theater camp—Iris wants to direct, Lily act, Rose write.”
Convenient they didn’t step on each other’s toes. Or perhaps they’d specifically split up their interests so they wouldn’t. “Organized. And is it social here? Easy to make friends?”
Miri shrugged. “I guess? We’ve been coming here for so long we know a lot of people already.”
Made sense. Hopefully some of the older cousins could introduce me to their groups. And I bet college kids rented places for the summer and hung out at bars and at the beach. That’s where I would have looked if I’d wanted to date—which I didn’t. I was sick of having my heart broken, for one thing. But even more, I didn’t want Dad to have any reason to worry about me. He worried too much when he should be focused on himself. He’d been so worried he’d even told Ethan Barbanel about my dating record. I had to prove I was completely and totally fine so Dad could focus on other things. With me leaving for college, I wanted him to start branching out, making friends or starting relationships, instead of spending all his time worrying if I was okay.Heneeded to have a support system sohe’dbe okay.
Still, just because I was taking a break from dating didn’tmean I wanted a break from gossip. “Does everyone usually have summer flings and stuff?”
Miri blushed furiously. “Oh, um, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never—I’m not dating anyone. Are you?”
Cool, so I wouldn’t be getting any fun stories from Miri. “Not right now.” The last guy I’d been consistently hooking up with—Austin, a stoner in my AP Physics class who I didn’t particularly like, but who I’dstilldeveloped feelings for—had ghosted me weeks ago. Before him, I’d had a brief fling with one of the regulars at Lulu’s Diner. My last real relationship had ended at Thanksgiving: Louis and I had dated for seven months, since my junior year, but apparently when he went to college he lost interest. He hadn’t told me until he came home in November because he wanted to do the break up in person since he “respected” me. Respect hadn’t stopped him from hooking up with people at college, though. Louis! What a gem.
I wondered what kind of people Ethan usually dated.
“Hey.”
Speak of the devil. Ethan strode into the room and dropped down at the kitchen island across from me. “Sorry if I freaked you out last night. I came out to the roof walk to make sure you were okay, but you were already gone.”
Miriam looked back and forth between us, gaze curious.
“You didn’t freak me out,” I said. “I don’t freak out.”
“I wasn’t watching you or anything. Sometimes I can’t sleep. Hey, Miri.”
“I knew you weren’t watching me. If you had been, you would have kept your light off.”
He laughed. “True. You’ve got your creeping figured out.”
I gestured at my black shorts and tank top. “It’s why I wear all black.”
“Here I thought you were a professional mourner.”
The corners of my mouth turned up. “Nah, for those occasions I need more fabric available to rend.”
“True, any rending of current attire would be…” He ran his gaze over me, the smile on his lips looking as irrepressible as mine. “…Problematic.”
“Ethan.” Miriam sounded long-suffering. “Are you serious? She’s staying with us for the summer.”
Oh my god. How embarrassing. How had I let myself start flirting with Ethan again? Ethan was a do-not-pass-go, do-not-collect-two-hundred-dollars. There was no way any situation with him would end well. Any further banter or hooking up would be soured by my resentment and would inevitably end in anger and jealousy and probably leave me a yelling, sobbing mess.
And destroy any chance of convincing my dad I was calm and fine and he could focus on his own life.
Ethan gently bopped Miriam on her head. “Don’t you worry, Miri. I’m never serious.”
“I’m going to get more pancakes,” she said. “I wash my hands of you.”
“I’m off, too,” Ethan said after Miriam had indignantly departed. “Ciao.”
