“Kissing isn’t like learning a language.”
“Isn’t it?”
His mouth twitched. “Okay, yeah, I guess it is, but not in the way you mean.” He pinched his nose, and his flippant air fell away. “Shira, you shouldn’t kiss someone for practice. You should kiss someone because you like them.”
“I told you.” I tried to ignore my burning cheeks. “I like practicing things.”
His expression shuttered. “Well, I’m not comfortable being used as ‘practice.’ ”
His words hit me like a blast of freezing air, and I drew back. “I’m not trying to use you. I thought—I don’t know. I thought this was what we did.”
“Excuse me?” He sounded cold.
“You know. Helped each other out.” I took in his extremely icy expression and cringed. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d be... insulted.”
“You didn’t think I’d beinsultedyou only want to kiss me in order to be good at kissing someone else?”
Honestly? No. “Um, no. You like casually hooking up.”
“I like hooking up with people who specifically want to be withme. Which isn’t what you’re saying, is it?” He gave me a razor-sharp smile. “Unless it is.”
My heart started beating wildly. “Uh,” I stumbled. “Uh, right, no.”
“Right.” He looked at the sodden snow. “If you want to learn how to kiss so you can kiss Isaac, learn with Isaac.”
I sucked in a breath. “Right. Sorry I suggested it.”
“No worries,” he said, voice smooth. He leaned against the doorframe, expression dismissive, like I should probably take myself out with the trash.
I hesitated. I hadn’t felt bad about a conversation with Tyler this entire trip; I’d been comfortable saying whatever I wanted to him. But now, it turned out IlikedTyler. “I didn’t mean to insult you or hurt your feelings. I thought—I don’t know, I thought you might even think making out with me might be fun?” I winced, saying that out loud. I really thought a lot of myself, didn’t I?
His anger, which I hadn’t been expecting before coming here, seemed to grow. “You think I’d really want to hook up with you, knowing you were thinking about Isaac?”
“I wouldn’t be thinking about Isaac,” I said in a small voice, then stopped, not sure if I was making things better or worse.
“I wouldn’t have expectedyou, of all people...” He shook his head, clearly disgusted.
It made a small pit open up in my stomach. “You wouldn’t have expected me to what?”
“Everyone always thinks I’m so casual about everything, but I thought you, at least, didn’t buy my act,” he said, blinking furiously. “I thought we got each other.”
“We do,” I said, because wedid, and it was suddenly really important to me that he knew that. I felt like I did understand him, how he had created this whole facade, built his own walls with polished exteriors, controlled exactly how close he let people get to him. He was like me in so many ways, except strangers read my walls as standoffishness, while they didn’t even know his existed. “I really do. But I didn’t think your comfort hooking up with people was an act.”
“It’s not. But it’s different with you, Shira.” He looked away, toward the ocean and the horizon. The sun crept up, pushing back the gray of night and the endless darkness of the sea.
“Because I used to be so obsessed with you?” I asked in a small voice.
“No, of course not. Because—I don’t know, because I feel like we’ve been honest with each other, and this wouldn’t be honest.”
“Oh.” I bit my lip. “I’m sorry.”
He focused his laser-bright eyes on me. “Also, I don’t get it. You’ve made it clear you’re not comfortable hooking up outside of a relationship, so why is this different?”
I swallowed. “I guess I’m comfortable with you.”
His face was unreadable. He looked... not mad, exactly. Shut off. Not the way he normally did with me, and not the friendly facade he usually plastered on, either. “But you don’t want to date me.”
“No, of course not,” I hurried to assure him. “I didn’t—I wasn’t trying to imply we should date or anything. I’m interested in Isaac. I just meant—I like you. As a person.” His eyes flicked up to me, and I offered a tentative smile. “I think we’re friends.”
