He crumpled up the cheese-puff bag and shoved it in the trash, hard. Then he walked over to where I sat on the counter, standing alarmingly close to me. With me sitting up high and him standing, we were almost exactly the same height. He stared directly into my eyes. “They look a lot like this.”
I swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”
“Or,” he amended, “they’d look like this if we stopped talking. And kissed.”
I stared at him, at his blue eyes, his rose-brushed cheeks, his golden hair. My heart pounded frantically against my chest. I couldn’t breathe.
Then he walked away, leaving me feeling like I’d narrowlyavoided being hit by a freight train. “Course, you have to be into the person.”
Right. He wasn’t into me. And I was into Isaac. “Of course.”
“But honestly, Shir, it feels like you’re going after Isaac because you want more friends. Maybe you should be putting all this energy there.”
“You’re wrong. I want Isaac.” I paused. “Okay,andmore friends. He’s like a two-for-one deal.”
“Right. The best-friend-you-can-kiss scenario. So, what, you feel like you have some really strong connection with him? Like he could be your best friend?”
“What?” My legs stopped swinging, and I stared at Tyler, taken aback by the realization. “Well—not yet. No. But that’s because I don’t really know him yet. Ilikehim. I’m just still figuring him out.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “Things aren’t as easy for me as they are for you. Dating Isaac would make things easier.”
“Why do you think things are easy for me?”
I threw my hands up. “Because you’re comfortable hooking up with anyone! I’m not. I need all this—this exploration, hooking up, whatever, to be in a situation where I feel really safe and comfortable.”
“And Isaac makes you comfortable,” he said flatly.
The room spun slightly, not quite pinned down by gravity. “Hecould, maybe.”
He looked at the bag of chips. “Do I make you comfortable?”
“You make everyone comfortable,” I retorted. “That’s what you do.” I jutted out my chin. “And what about you, Tyler? How often does someone make you comfortable?”
He stared at me, silent, then pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I don’t know.”
I hopped off the counter, grabbing the bag of chips I’d been munching on, the salsa, and the seltzers Tyler had pulled out. “Anyway, we should go back up.”
I headed upstairs, trying not to care if he followed.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The night ended with us tramping back across the lawns between Tyler’s house and Golden Doors, too impatient and intoxicated to wait for cars. I woke to rain against the eaves, and through my window I could see slate-gray sky and a slow, steady drizzle. Cold and sleepy and reluctant to leave my cozy cocoon, I scrolled through my phone. I opened my messages with Olivia.Merry Christmas!I wrote, followed by every festive emoji.
Then a half-remembered comment from my conversation with Tyler last night resurfaced. Maybe I really should try harder to strengthen the friendships I had. I pulled up Meg from school on my phone. Maybe we weren’t going to be best friends. But I’d never know if I didn’t try.
Me:
Merry Christmas! Hope you’re having fun in Florida
After I sent the text, I closed my eyes and clutched my phone and took several breaths until my heartbeat returned (almost) to normal.
And not two minutes later, she replied.Thanks!! Very humid, my hair is giant ha. Happy Hanukkah! How’s Nantucket?
I blinked at the text, happiness uncurling in my stomach.
Me:
Good! So much family time. And food, yum.
I sent a photo of the latkes from earlier in the week.
