Still, for a moment I froze, nerves sweeping through me. I was so happy to see her, and yet after each long separation, I always worried she’d no longer be as excited by me, no matter how often we texted.
But I was being silly, so I made myself step forward. “Olivia! Hi!”
She jumped up, her scarf whipping behind her, dangly earrings spinning as she did. “You’re here!” She threw her arms around me. “I’m so happy.”
“Me too.” My arms tightened around her, and I could feel my body relax. God, I was glad to see her. There weren’t too many people I hugged: my family and Olivia were about it.
With eyes bigger than our stomachs, we ordered buttery croissants, half a dozen macarons, a gingerbread latte for me, and a peppermint mocha for her. We carted our treats back to the table she’d snagged. “Tell me everything,” Olivia said. “I missed you! How were your tests? Is Isaac coming for sure?”
I cut the macarons in half and offered them to her for choosing, like Noah and I had done when we were little. “He’ll be here tomorrow. I’m freaking out.”
“When was the last time you saw him? The benefit thing in September?”
“And once in October at a museum gala. But I barely spoke to him then, just said hi.” I ate a pistachio macaron half. “It’s like, every time I’m in a circle with him, I want so much for him to notice me and be impressed by me, but I lose the ability to talk. So I smile and nod along with everyone else.I’mso impressed by him, but I can’t tell if he even notices me.”
“You’ll make him notice you now.”
“I hope so. I’m... preparing.” I wanted to tell Olivia about the flirting-lesson plan, but not quite yet. Not until I’d had some gingerbread simple syrup to ramp me up. “How are you? Jackson’s coming for New Year’s, right?” This year, Olivia’s parents had opted to spend New Year’s on Nantucket instead of in their South End brownstone and planned to throw a Nutcracker-themed party.
“Ugh. Yes.”
“Why the face? What’s going on?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. We’re fine. But like I told you, Jackson’s freaking out about college.” Her animation rose, color filling her cheeks. “And I still can’t do anything about it. My parents are Brown or bust, so it’s not like I can follow him to another city. But he keeps saying there’s no way he’ll get into Brown, so I should apply to some of the New York schools he’s looking at.”
I tore off an edge of croissant covered with almond slivers. “Obviously I’d love for you to come to New York. But do you want to? I thought you also really loved Brown, not just your parents.”
“I do! And I love Providence.” She took a swig of her peppermint mocha. “It’s not like I don’twantto go to the same school as him. I just don’t think it’s important. I think we could do long distance, and I’m pissed he doesn’t.” She turned her mug in her hands. “Maybe that’s the real thing bothering me. He’s apparently decided if we’re not at the same school, we’re doomed. What—if I’m notright there, our feelings would fade? He’d hook up with other girls? What the hell?”
“He wouldn’t. You know he’s obsessed with you.” I offered a tentative smile. “At least the party will be awesome?”
The parties thrown by Olivia’s family were on a different level. Her dad was an event planner, and her older sister, Kaitlyn, threw an epic themed party every summer. Only looking at Olivia’s expression made me think this party might be less than awesome. “What’s wrong?”
She exhaled deeply. “My parents want me and Kaitlyn to dance at the party.”
I blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Mom’s going to play ‘The Nutcracker March’—you know, do, do-do-do do, do, do, doo, doooo—and we’re going to dance.”
I burst into laughter.
“Stop,” she moaned, sinking her face into her hands. “It’s horrible. I hate performing in front of people I know.”
“You’re really good,” I assured her. “Everyone will be impressed.”
“It’s embarrassing. This isn’t a recital. I hate being trotted out.” She sighed. “Also, Kaitlyn always manages to look hot dancing, and I look like a five-year-old.”
“I’m sure you look hot, too.” I nibbled on my rose macaron half and closed my eyes. I loved roses. To look at, to use as lotion, to eat. Weird, but true. “ ‘March of the Nutcracker,’ huh?” I remembered playing the famous song when I was younger, when the middles were the littles and they’d marched around like toy soldiers. “How long’s the dance?”
“Only three minutes. Butstill.” She sighed, then took a sip of her mocha. “So what’s it like with Noah being gone?”
Noah being gone... We’d grown up two blocks apart in the Upper East Side, and our families had Shabbat together every Friday. He’d been the first boy grandchild, me the first girl, and while our other cousins had siblings, we had each other. “I don’t love it. I remember when he started high school and I was still in middle school and we didn’t walk to school together for two years, which Ihated. But I still saw him a few times a week. And now he’s... gone. Too busy for us. And why wouldn’t he be? He has a new girlfriend.”
“I thought you liked Abby?”
“I do. She’s nice and makes him happy. I guess I’m... jealous he’s spending time with her instead of us. I know it’s not fair or rational. But it’s how I feel.”
I felt lonely. I’d lost my support, my pseudo-brother, and I didn’t have a best friend to lean on. I actually, secretly, thought of Olivia as my best friend, not just on the island, but anywhere. I wouldn’ttellher; god forbid she had her own best friend back home. But she was the one I could text at one in the morning, the one I sent selfies to when I needed cheering. The one I asked and told about relationship drama.
