“Miri and Abby are always running in and out of our room,” I said regretfully. “And all the other rooms sort of bleed into each other.”
“Well.” He looked rueful. “I guess that’s the one benefit of having a small family.”
I laughed, giddy. He liked me. Or at least he liked kissing me. Maybe we’d spend the rest of break kissing.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.
“Depends.” A smile played around my lips. “Got any good ideas?”
“Turns out I’m really good at making tinfoil swords.”
The smile pushed so hard at the corners of my cheeks, it hurt. “I happen to know somewhere your skill will be appreciated.”
“See you tomorrow, then,” he said, and with a quick brush of his thumb against my lips, he was gone.
Back upstairs, I faced a tribunal of cousins. “So,” Ethan said. “What’s the deal?”
A very good question. What was the deal? I wanted Tyler, and Tyler wanted me—but what did wantingmean? Tyler was probably used to this state of limbo, but I wasn’t, and this not knowing what we were doing made me feel wobbly and on edge as soon as Tyler disappeared from sight and the serotonin from his presence vanished.
“There’s no deal,” I told the expectant David, Noah, and Ethan. “We’re just friends.”
“Okay,” David drawled.“Friends.”
“I like him. As a person,” I said firmly. “But nothing’s happening between us.”
“It looks like something’s happening,” Noah said.
“It’s not.” Then, with a burst of bravery, I lifted my chin. “Actually, you know what? Even if something was, it’d be fine. I can do what I want.”
“So somethingishappening,” David said. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
I glanced at the middles playing video games on the other side of the room. “Shh.” Then I looked at Noah. “You don’t have to protect me.”
“Right,” he said, like he understood my words intellectually if not emotionally. “Yeah.”
“Look, IlikeTyler. He’s smarter and funnier and more interesting than I think any of us had given him credit for.” I thought about how Tyler had looked when he was watching my family before he’d realized I was watching him. The length he waswilling to go to to impress his grandparents, so his moms could have the big family atmosphere they missed. How he’d wanted to know why I liked him, and the way he always asked questions instead of answering them, and how his polished facade circled him like a force field whenever he was around other people. I thought about how much Tyler, like me, needed friends. “We should give him a chance.”
The boys looked at each other skeptically. “You’re the boss,” Ethan finally said. “If you say he’s in, he’s in.”
“That’s what I thought.” I looked at David, who nodded, then at Noah. “Noah?”
Noah frowned, then finally released it with a sigh. “Fine. We’ll give him a chance.”
A burst of satisfaction ran through me, and I beamed at my cousins. Maybe that had been the point of this holiday all along: not romance or lessons in flirting or even kissing Tyler Nelson, but figuring out friendships. Not just for me, but for Tyler, too. Because maybe we needed those more than we’d realized.
And maybe, miraculously, we’d get them.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
But, okay, in addition to friendship, I really wanted to know what Tyler and I were doing.
I couldn’t fall asleep, tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling for hours, listening to Abby and Miriam breathe. When I was with Tyler, I felt on top of the world, but when I had a minute to think about what this was—or wasn’t—I felt unsettled, unmoored. Unease rippled beneath my skin. I wanted, very clearly, to date him, but what if Tyler just wanted an easy hookup through the end of the holidays?
I ached whenever I thought of him, and I thought of him all the time.
I knew I should talk to him, but what if bringing up dating made Tyler think I was clingy and obsessive and he called it all off? In which case, sure, his loss. But also very definitely myloss. Maybe, instead, I should maintain the status quo, and Tyler would realize he was having such a great time and that he wanted to date. Maybe I could be cool and chill and casual.
I rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut. I was driving myself insane.
