“Oh my god, don’t remind me.” Alex rolled her eyes. “I went for two weeks and didn’t see them once. And Chelsea went for, like, twenty-four hours before heading to Croatia—”
“No, this was when we were going to Portugal.”
“Oh, right. And she saw them! So unfair.”
I smiled awkwardly. Though I didn’t think the girls meant to make me uncomfortable, they lived in a world I couldn’t relate to, and draped their sentences in wealth so expertly they’d practically made it an art form. When I mentioned how much I liked theHamiltonsoundtrack, they launched into a discussion of which cast was superior—original or touring? When I mentioned my abiding love for pizza, they talked about how much better it was in Naples, the birthplace of my favorite food.
By the time we arrived at Coatue, the narrow strip of sand where we planned to spend the afternoon, an unwelcome stiffness had invaded my body, a sense of unbelonging. I looked for Noah as we pulled the boats onto the shore. I didn’t want to be clingy, but he had invited me, after all.
I waited for him to jump off the boat. People surrounded him,tight-knit and chattering, but I stood there determinedly until he noticed me.
When he did, his eyes caught for the barest second on my chest, and he swallowed. Amusement and embarrassment and alittletouch of satisfaction surged through me. Well, then.
He resolutely fastened his gaze on mine. “Having fun?”
“Yeah. It’s—”
“Noah!” A girl bounded up to his side, tucking her arm in the crook of his. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
He hesitated, still looking at me. “Uh—”
She squeezed his bicep. Literally. I didn’t know peopledidthat. “Please?”
“You okay?” he said to me.
I sent him a bright smile and kept my shoulders from slumping. “Of course.”
Good lord, I was pathetic.
I watched Noah follow the girl away for half a second, then looked around for Alex and the other girls from the boat. Too late; they’d been absorbed by the crowd, which was made up of more than our one boat. People covered the beach, not a single one familiar. My shoulders inched toward my ears. Great. What a party. I should have kept the can of rosé.
I sat down and pulled out my phone, a sure safeguard against the world.
I didn’t know why I was so upset. Or, sure, it objectively sucked to hang out with a group of people who all knew each other. But I knew most of my anger and unhappiness and the queasy, sick feeling in my stomach came from wishing Noah Barbanel wanted to hang out with me as much as I wanted to hang out with him. Which wasdumb.
I shot off a selfie to Niko.
Me:
I’m alone on a beach and pretending to have fun
Niko:
Jesus you’re still so pale
Do you dip yourself in sunscreen every morning like Elizabeth Bathory
Me:
Yes I murder a hundred sun motes each day to collect their energy
Do you think there’ll be popular kids in college or will we finally be free of social hierarchy
Niko:
Hate to break it to you babe but civilization runs on othering ppl
Go socialize!! I have to finish making a raspberry pi
