Helen Barbanel picked up a rose and snipped it.
It felt like a dismissal. Maybe I’d overstepped; maybe it wasn’t my place to have sympathy. I should go find Noah, but I hesitated. I wanted to make one thing clear. “I’m a moth, too, you know.”
“Not to Noah. He thinks you’re the sun. If you’re going to disappoint him, do it now. Don’t let his heart get so invested you shatter it.” She smiled, but humorlessly. “We don’t need another Goldman girl breaking another Barbanel boy.”
I walked around to the front of the house and sat on the porch steps, hugging my knees to my chest, desperately trying to calm my buzzing mind. The thought of ever seeing Helen again made me want to hide beneath a blanket.
I hated this. I hated being disliked by anadult, someone who was supposed to have their shit together. How did anyone stand up against the disapproval of their families? No wonder Noah felt pressure to do whatever his family wanted, whether it was studying business or protecting the family’s name and company. I’d known I was lucky to have a low-key, flexible family, but this really rammed it home.
Yet on some things, I knew Helen Barbanel was wrong. Noah didn’t see me as a blazing sun; he probably didn’t even consider me a light bulb. Helen Barbanel thought I would hurt him? Ha!Hewas going to hurtme.
Still—did she have a point? If we weren’t going anywhere, if either of us would end up hurt, should Noah and I end things now? Maybe this wasn’t worth it.
I pulled out my phone to see if Noah had texted. No dice. Maybe I should go home. I didn’t want to be here. My stomach hurt and I felt small and sick and pathetic.
And yet, even with Helen casting doubt, even with my own confusion about what we were doing, one overriding emotion made me stay: the undeniable desire to be in Noah’s company. I wanted him to look at me with his steady gaze and take my hand and laugh.
I took a deep breath. Okay. Noah would probably be free soon, and maybe I could walk my nerves off in the meantime. I got to my feet and set off along the front façade of the house, in the opposite direction from the way leading around back. Piano music floated from one room—Noah’s dad? No; Noah was talking to his dad right now. Edward, maybe. Or Shira.
I passed another open window, and voices blasted out.
“She’s a bad influence.”
“She’s not a bad influence!”
I froze, a horrible certainty hooking through me and tugging me toward the window. Through it, I could see Noah facing off against his father, two versions of the same mold separated by decades. Noah’s rage boiled high, his fists clenched and eyes bright, while his father’s simmered low, shown only in his tense shoulders and implacable voice.
“Three months ago, you weren’t talking aboutplants—”
“I’m going to see her whether you like her or not.”
I felt like I’d been sucker punched.
I turned back toward the porch, walking slowly, each step through a haze. I aimed for my bike, which still looked cheerful and merry, all twined with ribbons. Pulling it upright, I got ready to throw my leg over the seat and escape.
“Abigail.” My name in Noah’s voice stilled me once more. I turned, letting my bike lie back against the porch’s side. He strode out of Golden Doors and down the steps, tension draining from his face. “There you are. Thank god.”
I stared at him.
“Are you leaving?” He frowned and raked a hand through his hair. “God, I’m sorry I’m so late. I’m so glad to see you.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me firmly. Then he drew back, frowning harder. “What’s wrong?”
I pushed out of his embrace. “Is this a good idea?”
“What?”
“This.”I gestured between us. “Us.”
He looked baffled. “I happen to think it’s averygood idea.”
My heart pounded so fast I felt like it would burst out of my chest and fall onto the lawn, red and bloody and flat. “Your family doesn’t think so.”
“What are you talking about? Are you serious?”
“I don’t know! I’ve never had adults dislike me. I hate it. Your grandmother thinks I’m awful.”
“Abigail, my grandma disapproves ofeverything. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. So she thinks you stress out my grandfather. So what?”
“What?”
