The stare is so accusing that I start cracking up. “Damn you!” There’s that smile again, his dimples popping up, and my body immediately relaxes. I know it’s selfish of me, but I want to thaw him from this cold mood. “Geminis get a bad rep, okay? We can still be organized and uptight.”
“Yeah, because you’re working against your true quixotic nature.”
It’s actually startling how right he is. But Ellis has always done that—surprised me with his perceptiveness. With his quiet observations of me and the world around him. I try to cover up my big feelings. “Wow, damn, didn’t know you were an astrologist on the side.”
He laughs and I want to keep him in a better mood forever, but I know I have to bring up something that will put him back into deep freeze. Teenagers on skateboards, sporting jeans I used to wear in middle school, zoom by us. It gives me a moment to brace myself to ask, “Hey, so…are you going to Max’s wedding?”
He goes absolutely still for a second. Then, “Yeah.”
“Oh, okay. Well, the thing is…uh, Daniel asked me to go with him,” I rush it out. “And I wanted to, I don’t know, give you a heads-up? I meant to text you, but…” My bottom lip is being chewed to bits and I avoid looking at him. “Anyway I was hoping to give you the option to tell me you’d rather not see me there?”
The chair scrapes as Ellis pushes it back in agitation. “Cass, it’s really not fair of you to ask me that.”
Cass—the intimacy of it hits. “I—sorry? I’m actually trying to be fair here.”
He takes off his sunglasses and really looks at me then. And I see that his eyes are wide, incredulous. “Here’s the thing: I want to be okay with this. Because I respect you and want to respect your decision not to date me and date Daniel instead. Because I think Daniel is the best guy I know. He’s the older brother I never had. But I just…it’s hard, okay?” He looks down at his soft serve melting in the sun.
A bus whooshes by us, giving me a moment before I say, “I’m sorry.” My voice is small. “But I’d like to go to the wedding because it seems to be important to Daniel. And I just…I wanted you toknow, I guess.” It’s hard to breathe, and the air feels so thick suddenly. The sunshine a curse instead of a gift.
He gets up and throws his cup into the trash. “I appreciate it. And hey, don’t worry about me. This is awkward as hell, but we’re grown-ups right?” Something about his tone makes me look at him sharply. “See you soon, Cassia,” he says, taking off down the street. Not looking behind him, his sneakers pounding the pavement with a vengeance. And I don’t know if I feel better or worse.
That night, Daniel’s over at my place, both of us reading our respective books in bed. He’s deep into a nonfiction hardcover about the bubonic plague and I’m deep into a mystery set in a British village. But I’ve read the same paragraph a hundred times and finally I put the book down and look at Daniel. “So, this wedding.”
Through his slutty little reading glasses—“Yes?”
“Do you…do you really want me to go with you?”
He places his bookmark neatly into his book and closes it as he puts it down. “Of course. Why?”
I decide not to tell him about my Ellis run-in. “I just…I’m getting second thoughts. It feels like a potentially awkward weekend, don’t you think?”
Concern creases the corner of his eyes as he reaches out and strokes my arm. “Everyone’s an adult. They’ll just have to deal with my beautiful date.”
It’s sweet but not quite reassuring enough. “I feel kind of shitty about it all.”
He takes off his glasses then and rubs his eyes. “You know, that’s not great to hear. I don’t want our relationship to feel shitty to you.”
Guilt immediately curdles inside of me. “I don’t feel shitty about us! Just…the whole Ellis situation.”
“It’s been over a month,” he says firmly. It’s the first time he’sever sounded annoyed with me, and I pay attention. “We can’t avoid him forever. He works for me.”
“You’re right,” I say, instantly trying to lighten the mood. I regret bringing this up. “I’m sure it’ll be fine once we’re there. It’s just…”
“A bit of nerves?” he asks, his voice back to normal Daniel levels.
I nod and he reaches over to kiss me, his hand stroking my jawline. “Let’s calm them, shall we?”
32
“Are we really at the point of ‘listening to podcasts’ instead of talking in our relationship?”
Daniel laughs, the wind whipping through his hair. The windows in his car are rolled down, the sunroof wide open. It’s Friday afternoon and we’re headed to San Luis Obispo, the site of the wedding. After an obligatory In-N-Out pit stop, we have two hours left on the trip and Daniel just asked if I want to listen to a podcast.
“I’ll be DJ instead,” I say. We hold our hands between us and the music and California air instantly signal vacation. I focus on that and try not to relive my pretty awful conversation with Ellis.
The Madonna Inn greets us right off the 101 with a retro hot-pink sign soaring over the sprawling property. Nestled between the hills is this oddity—a group of buildings with zero architectural cohesion. It’s a little Thomas Kinkade English village, a little Vegas pizazz, and a lot of pink. We park the car at the valet and they help us with our bags. Inside the lobby, it’s more of the same clash of aesthetics—floral-red carpet, river rock walls, and gilded furnishings.
“So, we have you booked in our Pioneer America room,” the man at the front desk tells us, handing over our key cards. I pull a face at Daniel, who shrugs. “Hey, I was going solo at the time.” We get to our room, which is hilariously unromantic with dark-green carpet, brown leather furnishing, and a giant hand-drawn map of the American West above the bed. We decide that we still have enough time to hit the pool before the rehearsal dinner. So, before we unpack a thing, we pull on our swimsuits and head to the pool.
