“You’re welcome. And you’re lovely.” He’s still holding my wrist and steps in closer to me. I feel where this is going and step back.
“Ellis, I have to talk to you.”
“Okay.” He steps back immediately, too, but is still looking at me with his expression lit up and glad to see me. The silver chain resting on his collarbone glints at me, a little “RIP, you” wink.
Everything about this feels wrong even when I know it’s right. My hands feel like curled up little claws, my body slowly petrifying with the absolute hatred of what I have to say. At how, as soon as I say it, his expression will completely change, and I’ll have ruined someone’s day.
“So, I’ve had such a good time with you,” I begin, having practiced this, but still feeling clumsy. “It really was a nice surprise seeing you here.”
Ellis registers something happening. He puts on his shirt hastily. “I’m glad.”
“But the thing is, Ididn’tplan on it. And I thought that the other night, um, at my house, was a one-time deal. Until, it was a lot of deals. Ha.”
Something shutters in Ellis’s eyes. “Okay.”
I need to keep going or I’m going to cry. “I’m sorry. I just get the feeling that maybe you’re looking for something more…”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says, and it’s not with bitterness or resentment. It’s genuine. “Hey, you made it clear from day one. I was just hoping I could win you over, I guess.”
My chest hurts, actuallyhurts, and this ridiculous yurt feels like it’s closing in on me. “In different circumstances, I’d be won. Completely.”
He looks down, the sadness on his face clear for the second I see it. “But the age thing, huh?”
“Yeah. The age thing.”The Daniel thing.But that I will handle later.
“Thanks for being wonderful company,” I say softly, reaching out and touching his arm, and I feel goose bumps rise on his skin immediately. “I’ll probably be leaving early in the morning.”
With his head still bent down, he nods. Then, after a second, he looks up, a small smile on his life-ruining handsome face. “Have a safe trip back, okay?”
“Yeah. You guys, too. Good night.” And with that I rush out before I can drag it out any longer, practically sprinting back to my yurt.
17
Mar’s waiting for me on my front doorstep when I get home. I’d texted her for an emergency download session and she’s sitting outside with two bottles of wine and a greasy bag of smashburgers and fries.
“You could have let yourself in,” I say as I give her a hug, dusty and exhausted. Mar has the front door code—it’s her birthday so she’ll remember it.
She gets up. “Not on your life. Betty sees me coming in alone? I’ll leave with no eyeballs.”
I laugh a little as I let us in, leaving all my stuff in the car. I’ll have to deal with reality later.
“That was a pity laugh,” Mar says as we step inside.
“Sorry, a lot’s on my mind,” I say as I start opening curtains and windows. I can’t do anything until my house is aired out first. “Can I please have some of that rosé I see in your grubby little mitts?”
A few minutes later I’m in sweats and lying on my rug with a glass of wine after having annihilated my burger. Mar sits on the sofa like my therapist, picking at the fries, and Betty is flying around, indignant that we dare have a guest right when I get home.
“I can’t even believe it,” she says, staring out the window, munching a fry. “How in the world does this happen?”
“Magic is real, son,” I say, already drunk obviously.
“CanIbe real for a second?”
“When are you not real?”
“Well. I mean, I don’t know if I believed in this fated stuff until now.”
I flop my arms around. “What? You mean my family’s life work?”
