“He got me invested in this, and now I’ve wasted my entire summer.” I thought of all my time on the KoBra with Rose, my summer spent away from my other friends to be with Hamlet. All these little threads holding this new version of me in place. A line appeared between his eyes, on top of his nose. His voice was quiet. “Wastedseems a little harsh.”
And even though I knew why it stung for him, I felt a flare of frustration where compassion should be and I pulled my hand out from his grasp. This was justso much.
And then, I knew what I wanted to do.
“I’m going to Mexico.”
His head snapped up. “What?”
“Screw my dad. Screw the competition. My mom wants me there so I’m going.”
Hamlet’s expression was incredulous. “Are you kidding me? How… And what about your punishment? Don’t you have to work the entire summer to avoid suspension?”
“Who cares?” I felt the weight of the past couple of monthslifting off me in big chunks, making it easier to breathe, to be myself again. The threads loosening.
“Whocares?” His voice was loud now.
All around me, a thin, invisible barrier formed—a translucent thing covering every inch of my skin. I felt my expression slacken, my eyes turn into two cold stones. “You’re being a drag, Hamlet.”
Hamlet looked at me, his expression hardening as well. “You know what? You’ve asked me why I like you. I’ve given you reasons. I’ve even told you Iloveyou.” I flinched. He kept going. “And while you’ve never told me why you like me, I have my own theories—the main one being that you’ve surrounded yourself with people who enable this side of you, and I don’t.”
“What side of me?” My voice was acid.
“The side of you that can’t handle being real, that thinks it’s special not to care.” He stood up and put his hands into his shorts pockets. “But, Clara, it’s the least special thing about you. It’s the exception.”
There were so many comebacks that flew to my mouth, so many mean things I wanted to throw at him. But his words cut straight through my chest and into my heart. Before I could recover, he walked away from me, leaving me alone with a bunch of ferns and aimless koi fish.
CHAPTER 27
I eventually got home after the most expensive cab ride of my life and ran straight up to my dad’s room. Ignoring Flo rubbing on my legs and still wearing my shoes like an animal, I grabbed the laptop off his desk and took it to my room.
During the ride home, I had stalked my mom’s Instagram account, looking through her Stories to make sure I had her location right. She was staying at the Lotus Hotel and had arrived today. Perfect.
I opened the laptop and Googled “flights to Tulum.”
The part of me that wanted to run after Hamlet, to call my dad—it was overshadowed by that familiar need to escape, to have some breathing room away from everything.
By the time my dad came home, I had purchased a one-way flight to Mexico for the next morning with my dad’s credit card. I felt only a slight pitter-patter in my chest when I hit Finalize Purchase.
Consider it my summer bonus, Pai.
A few minutes after he got home, there was a knock at my door. This time, I ignored it. Flo meowed and I shushed her.
There was another knock. I turned up my music—lots of incoherent screaming with clanging piano. I let that do the talking.
I only turned it down when I heard his footsteps fade away.
To avoid feeling whatever it was I was feeling about my dad, I packed, focusing on how surprised my mom was going to be instead. I threw several bathing suits, shorts, and tanks into a duffel bag.
While I was loading up my phone with podcasts, there was another knock at the door.
“Clara.”
Hearing him say my name almost shattered my resolve. I closed my eyes and concentrated on Mexico. The beach. Mãe.
“Clara, please. Let’s talk.”
I couldn’t ignore him forever, so I spoke through the door. “Can we talk tomorrow? I need time.” If I saw his face, I knew I would cave.
