“You kept asking me to go into your inbox to reset passwords.” She shrugged.
“Which password was I looking for?” their grandma asked, as if it was a crucial detail.
“That bingo website you were obsessed—”
“Alright, alright, we can move on,” their grandma cut in, looking slightly embarrassed. She didn’t have a gambling problem as such, she just spent such an unreasonable amount of money on a bingo site she and her friends loved that it had become an inside joke. But that wasn’t the point of the story. Thandie told them about how she’d spotted an email at the top of their grandma’s inbox with the subject line:URGENT, YOUR LAST APPOINTMENT WITH DR. KHAN.She’d been too curious notto look but had kept her discovery a secret, thinking Drew didn’t know, either, until he started making erratic enough decisions for her to tell that something major must be throwing him off. She could guess why her family had kept it a secret, but she was still disappointed in them for hiding the truth.
“We didn’t want to upset you or give you something to worry about in the lead-up to the Olympics,” said their grandpa, his eyes watering. He only ever cried tears of joy, so it was painful watching him like this. Watching them all like this.
“You were going through a lot last year, and we didn’t want to add to that, sweetie,” their grandma said, putting an arm around Thandie’s shoulder and pulling her into a hug. When they pulled apart, he saw an expression on his sister’s face that he hadn’t seen since they were kids: She was scared. But when she spotted him looking at her, she shook it off and redirected the conversation.
“If there’s anyone you should have been worried about, it was Drew. He’s the one who’s been spinning out for the past six months,” Thandie said.
Drew had always considered himself to be the older, more responsible sibling. The unflappable, confident son his grandparents confided in. So, Thandie’s words took him by surprise.
“Don’t tell me that’s the real reason why you dropped out?” his grandma said, disappointed. “You love what you do. You always did. And you only had two more weeks until graduation.”
Drew sighed and noticed his sister’s shoulders sag as she heard their grandma’s mistake.
“I was in my junior year, Grandma. I still had a year and a half to go,” he said gently.
“Oh, I just— That doesn’t matter,” his grandma said, sitting upright. She looked a little embarrassed. Drew didn’t like to correct her—the doctor had told them it would only just upset her—but she was illustrating his point. Things were changing,and he couldn’t waste a year and a half at college when things had changed so fast. But Grandma was insistent, telling them that even though she hadn’t grown up with the same options as they had, she’d made the most of her youth. Traveling, taking risks, falling in love, and finding herself.
“So, I don’t want either of you to put your lives on hold for me. It would break my heart. I’m not going to get better with time, so you can’t just wait it out.”
“Don’t say that,” Drew said reflexively, looking over at the sad expression on his sister’s face.
“It’s true. There’s no use in pressing pause. Some people get worse over months or years or decades.” She said it casually, as if she was talking about the warranty on an electrical appliance, not her life. Drew flinched. His grandma had always been pretty forthright, but this level of honesty was too much for dinner.
“She’s right,” his grandpa said, speaking up. Drew looked over at him, noticing the ways the past year had aged him. “We’ve made a decision. We love you and like having you at home. But you’re not allowed to move back in with us.”
Drew’s eyes widened.
“You’re kicking me out?” he said in shock, looking over to Thandie for backup. But she put her hands in the air as if this conversation was none of her business.
“Don’t be dramatic, honey. You can stay for a few weeks. Two months at most. But then you’ve got to come up with a plan. You can’t walk around Wisconsin feeling sad for the rest of your life,” his grandma said.
“With all the love in the world, you’re not math-minded enough to join the firm,” his grandpa added. Thandie laughed at that, then caught Drew’s eye and pantomimed zipping her lips as she dipped some asparagus into the cheese fondue—a dinnercombination that didn’t quite follow her Team USA nutrition plan.
Drew’s mind immediately began laying out options. Reenrolling and moving back to California, putting together a portfolio to apply for the Hans Leitner job. But no, he thought. He’d made his decision, and he couldn’t just waver. He was older and knew they needed help.
“I’m staying at home,” he said firmly.
“No, you’re not,” his grandma replied. “Life isn’t as long as you think it’s going to be.” She gently patted him on the shoulder.
Her words sent a chill down his spine. He looked over at his grandma. Her gray hair, her frail skin, her shrinking stature: He could feel her missing herself while she was still here.
“Thingsaregoing to change, Drew. But it’s not your responsibility to throw your future away. Plus, I’m turning your room into my home library. You’re not allowed to move back in,” his grandpa said with a hint of a smile.
“But—”
“He’s scared,” Thandie said, taking a bite of her schnitzel. He hated to admit it, but she was right. They’d known each other all their lives. “Going home means that if he doesn’t end up with the life he wants, he can blame it on Wisconsin.”
“That’s so cynical,” Drew protested.
“But she’s right. You quit while you’re ahead so you don’t have to risk it not working out,” his grandpa said as he took a bite of his Älplermagronen, which was essentially just Swiss mac and cheese.
Drew sat and watched as his family ate their food, casually moving on from the confrontation-turned-intervention. He looked at all the cheese on the table, the wooden paneling on the walls, and the low lights of the room. Their house back home in Wisconsin looked nothing like this, but the scene before himreminded him of every family dinner he’d ever had. Aside from the silence about Grandma’s health, his family was deeply honest. They loved each other too much not to say the truth and call each other out. So, Drew took his first bite of food and thought about everything they’d said. Maybe he did default to quitting before he had the chance to fail. They were probably right about his moving back home to escape the imposter syndrome he’d felt in California. Spending his life running away from what he loved to avoid failure wasn’t the path to feeling fulfilled. Thandie noticed his empty glass and passed the jug of water over to him. He could tell that she was still annoyed with him. It was written all over her face, so he went to apologize.
