We get our drinks: me a Negroni, Spencer a straight glass of rye whiskey. My card bounces when I briefly forget that I’m still financially at rock bottom, but Spencer quietly taps his card to the machine over my shoulder.
Spencer’s eyes are sorrowful but soft. The rain pounds against the stained glass window, purple, green, and red reflections trickling across the dark wood table as we people watch in silence and take the first few sips of our drinks. Easing into the inevitability of this conversation.
“I’m sorry for shouting at you,” he says, running his fingers over the geometric pattern etched on the side of the crystal glass. He glances up, a sheepish smile appearing across his face. “And for not telling you about... him.”
“Clearly, shouting and lying run in the family,” I say, taking a breath. “And I’m sorry too.”
We clink our glasses together, sealing the mutual apology like a contract. What else are we going to do? We’re too far gone to let the past six weeks dictate the rest of our lives. Wewill be in each other’s lives forever—that is the only constant either of us can rely upon; we have each other’s DNA, and as much as we don’t like to share, we shared a womb.
“So Dominic?” I arch a playful eyebrow.
Spencer’s mouth twists into a reluctant smile. “Yeah, about that...” I don’t see this kind of smile very often; it warms my heart to see my confident, no-holds-barred brother blush over someone.
“How long have you been seeing each other?” I ask point-blank.
Spencer blinks, as though I couldn’t have possibly picked up on the ridiculous chemistry between the two of them. At first, I thought it was Spencer being on his best charming behavior and Dominic being the most watched person at the events, but some small piece of sunshine got through.
“We haven’t...” he says, cheeks blushing the faintest shade of pink. “Today was the first day I asked him out.”
I lift my eyebrows. “Really?” I wince internally over the assumption that he was being as reckless as me. I can’t believe I’ve been the more daring of the two of us.
“I think we both knew there was something there from the start, but I didn’t want to jeopardize the plan and he didn’t want to be unprofessional.” He gives me a look. A twitch of the eye that conveys multitudes. Telling me, yes, I should feel bad about getting involved with Oliver while Spencer was avoiding genuine feelings for Dominic, because I made it clear how bad it would be if he followed his heart.
“So, nothing happened at all?”
“I think we could both feel it; we’d catch each other looking in ways the others weren’t. And then in Paris, I think Oliverhad organized a private chat between the two of us and things gotveryclose to happening, but we both knew we couldn’t. Once the winners were announced it felt almost... inevitable.” He goes somewhere for a few moments, smiling as he gazes into a fond memory.
“So you went there today to tell him the truth about your feelings?” I shift in my seat, imagining him going through that alone.
He takes a final swig. “I was there today to tell him about what happened at TechRumbleandmy feelings for him.” Spencer huffs a laugh into his empty glass. “He saw right through me about Wyst, though. He knew I was lying about it being all my idea.”
“Not as good an actor as you thought, hey?” I tease.
He snorts a shy laugh and throws a thin red straw at me. “Fuck off.”
I laugh too. “And what did he think of the other stuff, the feelings?”
He purses his lips. “He was... reciprocal.” His cheeks glow pink.
I prop my elbow on the slightly sticky wood table and rest my chin in my hand. “Can I just ask... Dominic is scary as fuck, and you are like a human bouncy ball. What drew you together?”
Spencer clears his throat. “He said he likes seeing the world through my eyes. Taking things seriously doesn’t mean you have to lose every facet of your personality or that you can’t relax and have a good time. I think somewhere down the line he’d forgotten that.”
My chest warms; maybe it’s the alcohol, but seeing mybrother look so at peace is a new experience. “And what’s there for you?” I ask, taking another sip.
He sighs. “I’m surrounded by people whose goal in life is to be the center of attention. Sometimes it’s to tell a story about something important, but most of the time it’s to draw in a crowd for themselves. It was nice to talk to someone who had this ultimate goal, which is so much bigger than them as an individual. And there’s this unbelievable pleasure in breaking a smile out of someone who is determined to be serious. When you see someone so rigid become elastic because of you.” He looks down wistfully at the table. “Like when we used to pick stones from the beach and crack them open to find a geode hidden inside. That’s what Dominic is.”
My eyesight blurs as I blink away the fuzziness. Sure, he’s had boyfriends and casual flings and even one very awkward girlfriend situation in secondary school, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk about someone like this.
My mind drifts to Oliver and why I was attracted to him in the first place. He at once could relate to the pain and grief but didn’t hold it so close the poison would seep in. His willingness to adapt and mold into a new version of himself when the old one was getting to be too much. To ultimately prioritize his happiness because that was the only way he could give other people happiness. He couldn’t not be his true self but still tried to honor his family any way he could.
We’re lucky that our chemistry came first, then our feelings came second. The basis of attraction made us able to express ourselves to each other. If we’d gone the traditional route, or, god forbid, I’d matched with him on a dating app, taken him to a wine bar, and done everything the way it’s “supposed” tobe done, we wouldn’t have stood a chance. We got lucky that we were both having a bad day and threw down our defenses.
Without thinking, I ask, “Do you love him?”
He looks at me with a twinkle of recognition in his eyes. “Do you?”
We curve the edges of our lips in unison, both too sheepish and British to say that sort of thing out loud. Maybe we do, but it’s too soon to say it.
