Sitting on the edge of his bed, my legs dangle over the end of the mattress as I lie back and smooth my hands over the crisp white sheets like a duvet snow angel. “Upon closer inspection, I shouldn’t have worried.”
He remains silent until, eventually, I sit back up and find him standing in the same space I left him. He’s really giving me nothing here. My eyes travel down from his face to his suit trousers. Thick pleats form as he begins to harden under my gaze. I smile triumphantly, as if I’ve finally won this little game we’ve been playing since we left the pub.
His lips twist into an embarrassed smile as he tilts his head to the side. “That’s not fair.”
My eyebrows arch. “Don’t be a sore loser. It’s not my fault you have a tell.”
“When you’re on my bed, looking...” He clears his bobbing throat as he slowly steps forward. “... like that, it’sdefinitelyyour fault.”
He places his glass on the side table and slips his hands into his pockets, as if he has to restrain himself to not touch me. I reach out and gently tug on his black leather belt; the silver buckle clinks as I slide it undone.
“Sorry.” I pout. “I don’t make the rules.”
I pause for a moment at the button of his trousers, giving him the chance to pull away, to make everything easier and back out.
He takes my chin in his hand, eyes twinkling in the dim light. “If you are my consolation prize then it’s worth losing.”
We dance in between kisses, words and touches. Each one featherlight compared to the weight of the past weeks and months. I pull him closer, our foreheads pressing together as though we’re attempting some new kind of telepathy. His mouth runs the length of me, reacquainting himself with every curve and bend until I arch my back and see stars. My mouth explores him for the first time, learning what makes him moan and curse until neither of us can stand him not being inside me.
“You’re so fucking...” he says into the crook of my neck as he mercifully presses between my thighs, his lips parted but unable to finish the sentence as I roll my hips higher to accommodate him.
“Sadistic?” I smirk, running a hand to the back of his head through his messy hair.
He kisses up my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps. “I was going to say devastating.”
“You’ve already used that line. I thought you were meant to be witty?” I bite his earlobe.
“Well, forgive me,” he says, kissing my jaw. “There is considerably less blood in my brain than usual.”
I huff a half laugh, half moan as he pushes deeper, filling me completely. “Do that forever and you will be absolved of all sins, always.”
“Thank you, God.”
“You’re welcome.”
The moonlight from his bedroom window spills onto our bodies like a blanket of fresh dew. Neither of us have spoken for the past ten minutes, or maybe ten hours, I’m not sure. Time seems to have slowed down as we lie chest to chest, naked and entangled, tracing our fingers over each other’s edges.
“What are we going to do about this?” he asks, finally breaking the comfortable silence as he smooths his palm down my bare spine.
Turning onto my back, I let out a sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Are you going to run off like last time?” He smiles, the mischievous twinkle in his eyes failing to hide his nervousness.
“I’m pretty sure you were the one who bolted first,” I challenge, pulling the sheet up and tucking it under my arms.
He turns onto his side, the pillow dipping as he leans his hand on his elbow. “Only because the image of you leaving first to go on a date with someone else would have been burned into my brain forever. I couldn’t do that to myself.”
“I do have to go eventually.” I angle my chin to meet him. “I have to get home,” I confirm solemnly.
“It’s late—you could stay?”
A solid ache presses against my chest as I say, “All my stuff for the presentation tomorrow is at my house.”
He lets out a breath. “OK. I’ll get you a car. Just stay with me for a bit longer?” He slides his arms around me and pulls me against him.
My eyes prickle as I press my face against his bare chest and breathe him in, trying to tattoo the smell of him onto my memory. It’s painful, physically painful, not knowing if I’m being with him like this for the first or last time, lying here together in total flux.
The words build and build in my chest until they finally pour out onto his: “Let’s wait and see what happens tomorrow.” I clear the uncertainty from my throat. “We could make a decision now and tomorrow feel completely different. I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to decide now.”
