He kissed my cheek. ‘I ordered you champagne. I thought we might head out on the town, get drunk and then we’re going to find a guy playing a guitar in a pub and sing along with the rest of the crowd, to music we didn’t even know we knew the words to, until they turn the lights on and kick us all out. Yes?’
‘Okay.’ It sounded like the perfect evening.
He emerged from the shower, a champagne glass later, in just a pair of trunks. I watched him through his open door as he slid on a pair of black jeans and threw on a navy T-shirt. He added brown accents, a belt and boots. It shouldn’t work, but it did. He sprayed on the Hermes scent I loved, and I sniffed appreciatively at its herbal lemony notes. He reached down into his bag, emerging with a navy jumper. His movements were graceful for a man, elegant somehow.
I poured a second glass of champagne for me and one for him and handed it to him as he walked across the room to me. He clinked my glass and though I could still see sadness in and around his eyes, I also saw affection, warmth and respect.
‘Jesus, Abbey, you are so lovely. You do know that?’
I was dressed all in black. Black jeans, black turtleneck, black woollen coat and a cute pair of lace-up boots. I wear a lot of black. I have pale skin and golden hair. It sets them off.
I attempted to lighten the mood. ‘Not Jacinta-the-nanny lovely though.’
He almost spat out the champagne, laughing, delighted and I watched as his shoulders dropped an inch. Relaxing. ‘You should have seen Ollie’s face when he got home and spotted her. It was the first time I knew for certain he was on the mend. Summer’s old nanny retired recently. Ev hired Jacinta for me,’ he clarified, so that I knewhehad not hired the sexiest nanny since Fran Drescher.
My stomach made a loud grumble and my eyes pulled away from him for a minute.
He grabbed the waist of my jeans and pulled me to him, rubbing a hand across the fly of my jeans. ‘Are you hungry?’
‘I’m starving.’
‘Let’s go feed you.’
We grabbed sunglasses and his coat and walked out of that hotel hand in hand. A regular couple on the streets of Melbourne.
***
I led us towards the Yarra River, and we found a restaurant with a view of the busy riverside. Heaters sat above the table keeping us warm, but when I shivered as the wind crept in through gaps, he leaped out of his chair, putting his coat across my knees. It was hard when he was nice; my need for him overwhelmed me and I’d glimpse a future life of being cared for like this. It was heartbreaking to have found him and not have him as mine.
‘Right,’ I said, looking intently at the menu and avoiding his gaze, which had become concerned. ‘What to eat?’
‘Abbey.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Can you look at me for a moment?’
I rolled my eyes and put down the menu.
‘You’re upset. When I first met you, you were the most honest person I’d ever met. It bothers me immensely that you’re withholding your thoughts and feelings from me.’
‘That is a huge double standard, Nick. You conceal so much, mostly from yourself, ironically. And me.’ I sighed. ‘Of course, I’m upset. I love you and I tried to establish some boundaries, and I allowed you to move past them. I don’t want people I love to walk over me in life.’
‘You undervalue yourself.’
‘You keep saying that and it is frustrating. How do you think you see me so clearly, but you do not see yourself?Youundervalue me. You undervalue my love. You undervalue yourself. Do you know that?’
‘I know my exact value, Abbey.’
I shook my head. ‘Nick, you think you are an abyss and a figure on a bank statement. You are also a loving brother, a wonderful, loving father. You do nice things for people you care about. Why don’t you factor in that stuff?’
I knew I’d hit a nerve because he looked away from me. A wry smile flashed, and he pulled at the neck of his jumper.
‘What I am terrified of is being undervalued by the people I love,’ I said. ‘So this relationship is pushing some buttons for me. The two of us are here together when we both know we aren’t what we need from each other. I know I stayed, it was my idea, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. I guess a part of me is living in hope.’
‘For what?’
‘For you to admit how you feel about me. For you to put aside the things you lost and choose the things you have.’
