‘At reception. Why?’
‘We’re not staying here. There are too many eyes.’
‘I’m not staying, Nick.’
‘Abbey. I’m asking you to stay.’
The doors opened to the main lobby. I noticed everyone looking at him, then the murmurs of ‘new owner’ and his name being whispered. I felt suddenly protective of him. It was a fishbowl at Delacqua. He couldn’t stay here and be enraged over another man being disrespectful to me without everyone knowing something was going on between us. He walked to reception, grabbed my bag without speaking to anyone, and then headed out the front to where his driver was waiting.
The weather had turned wild, and wind was gusting up the street. It was forceful. It pushed me sideways.
‘Nick, I am not coming with you. I’m done. I cannot do this with you anymore,’ I shouted over the top of it.
‘Abbey, please. Get in the car. We can’t speak out here.’ His hair was whipping about wildly.
‘What is there to say?’ I shook my head and went to grab my bag.
He held it out of my reach. ‘I will drive you to the airport. Get in the car.’
‘I can get a cab, Nick.’
‘Abbey, please,’ he yelled. ‘Please.’
I could hear the heartbreak in his voice, and I felt his emotion in my body.
I nodded, and he opened the door for me to get in. I sat in the welcome silence out of the wind and closed my eyes against the feeling of giving in to him; I placed my palms on top of the leather seat and tried to centre myself while he walked around the car and got in the other side. Once he was in, he gave me a long assessing look and then spoke to his driver.
‘Steve, I’m so sorry, I realise the weather is wild, but can you give us a few minutes, please? Go get a coffee or something?’
‘Of course, Mr Northby.’ Steve exited the car and the minute the door closed, Nick turned to me.
‘Abbey. What is going on? You left dinner Monday night upset and now, trying to deal with Fife without me, which quite frankly makes me absolutely bloody horrified now that I’ve met the prick … Why are you trying to put distance between us?’
‘Are you blind?’ I asked him. ‘Or are you choosing to ignore what should be absolutely clear to you. Which is it?’
He went to speak, and I cut him off, unable to hold on to it for a second longer. ‘Nick, I am in love with you. I love you. I want you to love me. And I want you to let me love you.’
His eyes went wide, and then his face softened.
‘I knew. I mean, I know what you think and where your boundaries are, but I haven’t told you mine, Nick. I haven’t made those clear and we are so fucking past them, it isn’t even remotely amusing. I think I was in love with you before I left the resort.’ My voice dropped to a heartbroken whisper, and he reached out, taking my hand in his. ‘I honestly think I was. But now this constant having you near but not having you thing. The sex wheneveryoufeel like it. The fucking perfect, perfect family dinner with our girls. You keep doing nice things for me, but denying you feel anything. My body and my heart respond to you as if you are mine. You will break me if it doesn’t stop. And I can’t. Not anymore.’ Now the honesty was flowing, it was kind of hard to stop it.
‘Is this about the doctor?’ he whispered. A flash of jealousy escaped that we both knew he had no right to.
I snorted. ‘I need to move on from this. And it isn’t about someone else. But it’s not going to work with the doctor, it’s not going to work at all. He’s fine. He’s perfect. Most women would love him. Hell, I think Kate may love him. But it doesn’t matter to me. It’s not going to work because he is not you, Nick. I think about you all day. I dream about a life with you at night. I worry about you endlessly. I love your family like they’re my own. I love you with a fierceness I do not recognise. I haven’t felt like this before. Ever.
‘And I’m not even sure you deserve it, because you give me nothing. You keep everything so compartmentalised that you are unknowable. And I’m done. I feel like I’m dreaming or imagining there is something between us because every time you get the opportunity to declare your feelings, you don’t. I cannot do this anymore.’
Nick
There was this huge part of me screaming to tell her the truth. It was making my mouth water at the thought of saying it to her. I was salivating.I love you too. Please do not ever, ever leave me.
I shut my eyes against it and tried to find the darkest day I could. It was two weeks after I had buried her. Oliver had come through the door and the house was as dark as I was, even though it was midday. Summer was screaming. She was screaming so much she was taking these outraged breaths in between because it had gone on so long. I was collapsed against a wall, unable to move. It had been four days since I had slept, and I had not changed my clothes or showered in that time. I’d fired all our staff, telling them to get the fuck out. I remembered the shock on Ollie’s face and him running to Summer to hold her. I remember him coming back into the lounge, shouting my name. I’m not sure I could hear him. But I remember Summer. She was sweating and red and her little body was convulsing with these stuttering breaths, and she pressed into Ollie as if she could not get close enough to him.
‘I’m sorry, Abbey.’ I opened my eyes and forced myself to look at her. There was no surprise in her face. Hope had not been there. She knew I would shut her down even as she spoke.How fucking brave is that?
Her phone vibrated in her lap.
‘Fuck,’ she breathed.
