Ella’s room was maybe my favourite in the house. It reflected all the phases of her life, from the little cream bunny she had slept with since she was two, to the Taylor Swift and Alex Karev posters donning her walls.
She hopped into bed, leaning over to turn on her twinkle lights, and I kissed her on the head.
‘You really are the world’s best kid,’ I said to her honestly.
‘You really are the world’s best taco maker.’ She kissed me back. ‘I think Nick likes you.’
I snorted.
‘Seriously, Mum. You should date. It would be good for you.’
An Iris/Kate in the making. That’s all I need.
‘Goodnight, Ella.’
‘Goodnight, Mumma.’
Nick was out in the backyard taking a phone call when I came back. I assumed it was the hospital, so I cracked the rum and prayed for good news while pouring it into two tumblers with some ice and leftover lime from our dinner. Then I headed out the back to get some wood onto the fire.
By the time he finished the call, the fire was crackling and warm, and he sat down beside me, close, on the outdoor lounge. I handed him the rum, and he drank almost the whole thing in one gulp.
‘That was Kate. She said the scans show the bleed has reduced again. He’s doing well.’
I swallowed the rum and the tension, feeling it unwind in the muscles of my neck. I threw my arms around him and held him.
‘He’s going to wake up tomorrow, right, Abbey? Tell me he’s going to wake up.’
‘Of course he’s going to wake up.’
He breathed into my neck. ‘Did you bring the bottle out?’
‘Hell yes, it’s delicious.’
‘That’s my girl.’ He gave me one of his rare laughs, wiping his eyes, and I was so moved to hear him laugh, that my eyes filled with tears, too. His face became concerned. ‘Are you okay?’
I took a deep breath and a huge sigh. ‘Yeah, it’s just been a big couple of days.’
He put his arm around me, and I snuggled into him.
‘I am sorry. I don’t mean to upset you. I just don’t share easily with people. The fact that you know some things should tell you how highly I regard you.’
‘I’m not annoyed.’
‘You are annoyed. You shouldn’t be afraid of saying it. And you are right as usual.’ He kissed my hair.
Fine. It is annoying. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t tell me you had a daughter.But your brother, who I adore, is in ICU and I feel bad for you, arsehole.
We sat and watched the flames, a beautiful silence surrounding us. We were both quiet people and there was just so much shit going on. I felt peaceful for the first time in a while. Comforted in his arms.
He yawned. He was exhausted and, though he argued he was happy just sitting there, I insisted he rest.
Nick pulled out the sofa bed while I grabbed sheets, blankets and pillows. I watched him take off his jeans and pull a pair of comfy jersey pyjama shorts from his bag, putting them on so they sat low on his hips. He looked so good in clothes – he looked good naked too, but clothes sat on him as if they were made specifically for him. He climbed into the bed, and I turned out the lights.
I let the sudden desire to curl up with him win. It was overwhelming, my need for him, so I laid down on top of the blue-and-red-checked quilt cover and the soft grey blanket next to him. We both rolled onto our sides to face each other. He pushed my hair back from my face and then grabbed the waist of my jeans to pull my hips closer to him.
‘You are so warm, Abbey. Your home is so warm and welcoming. Everyone loves you. You are light. Pure light.’
I sighed and pressed my lips to his gently, my heart thumping hard. This was getting serious. I knew now, without any doubt, I was at risk of having my heart completely crushed by him. But when he said stuff like that it made it difficult to care or worry about any future heartbreak at all. He spoke like someone who loved me. Whether he was ready to admit it or not.
