He did distract me, at least for a few minutes, but even as his rough fingertips brush against the skin of my shoulder, it doesn’t solve anything. Everything I said was still true, and maybe he thinks, with his charming arrogance, that a distraction is enough.
But it isn’t.
Our team is broken, but I’m going to fix it.
I have to, or I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
chapter twenty
Isay goodbye to Leo, which maybe takes a little longer than I anticipated, and then make a beeline to our building. I have a plan—well, more of an idea, really, but it’s a good one, and I don’t want to waste any more time before bringing the other girls in on it. When I get back to the suite, the common area is empty, but the door to my room is open.
“You’re back,” I say as Emma moves around the room. The drawers to her dresser are all open, and there are clothes piled on the bed, her suitcase waiting beside them. “What are you doing?”
“Packing,” she says, chucking the leos that were carefully folded inside a drawer into the bag and then turning to grab more.
“Wait.” I slide into the space between her and the suitcase, blocking her ability to actually pack. “Listen to me for a second.”
“It’s fine,” she says. “I know you feel bad, Rey, but there’s no way you could have known what was going on. There’s nothing to feel guilty about.”
“That’s not …” I start to protest, but she’s right about that. I do feel guilty. Really guilty. “Okay, fine, but take my guilt out of it.”
“What?”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about you.”
“Rey, I don’t think—”
“According to Leo, we’re not allowed to think.”
“Snowboarders: so chill.”
“I know, right?”
“Audrey—”
“No, just listen. If you want to leave because it hurts too much or because it isn’t what you want anymore, that’s fine. That’s legit, and I don’t blame you. But if you’re leaving because … because you feel like you don’t deserve it or you think that what you said before was true, that you’re responsible for any of this, then, please, I’m begging you, don’t.”
“Audrey.”
“You’re one of the best gymnasts in the world. You’ve worked your entire life for this, and you deserve to be here. You deserve to give yourself a chance to win.”
“But—”
“Dani doesn’t blame you. I don’t blame you. None of us blame you. The only person to blame is Gibby. I’m not going to give you that whole if-you-give-up-then-he-wins bullshit—”
“That’s what Mrs. Jackson said.”
“Mrs. J is great, but she’s wrong. What you do now has nothing to do with him. It’s about whatyouwant. What do you want?”
“I want to do gymnastics,” she says instantly.
“Well, we just so happen to be at the Olympics, and that’s one of the things they do here.”
Emma snorts, but I can see a smile—a real one—fighting to break through.
“I don’t know if I can go back out there. I don’t know if I can face … everyone. I blew it in front of the whole world, and I don’t want everyone to know why.” She’s rambling now, but I let her go on. Maybe she needs to get this out. “I’m not like Dani. I’m not as strong as her. I don’t think I could take that, but I also want them to know that there was a reason for how messed up I was, that I didn’t just choke. But, like … everyone thinks I did, and maybe in some ways that’s the truth, and that’s on me, and now I don’t know what to do.”
I stare at her in silence. She’s right, in a weird, convoluted, context-free kind of way, and I have no idea what to say in response.
