“What happened out there?” a reporter asks as I walk past him.
I stop and look him dead in the eye, leaning in toward his extended microphone.
“We lost.”
We’re barely back at the village for more than a few minutes before I get stir-crazy. I don’t want to look at my phone or my laptop or the TV. I can imagine what everyone’s saying about our performance, and I don’t need a million people telling me I suck when I’m perfectly capable of coming to that conclusion on my own.
Emma’s in the chair across from me, and Dani and Chelsea are sitting together, silently, on the couch. I’m not sure I’ve ever not heard them speak for this long. I don’t really want to talk either, to be honest. The last thing I want to do is rehash everything that went down. If I could block it out for the rest of my life, I would. Fourth place. It’s unreal to me.
The competition is a total blur, aside from that one-tenth deduction on my last pass. I’m pretty sure I’ll still be thinking about it for the rest of my life.
Was that what lost us the medal?
No.
One deduction on its own doesn’t knock you off the podium, but damn, does it feel like it did.
I still don’t understand what happened to Emma. What could have caused that kind of epic implosion from the best gymnast in the world? Was it not making the all-around yesterday? Or maybe it was a fluke? Did Emma have the worst day of her entire gymnastics career at the worst possible time? It’s happened to people before. Could it have been the pressure? Maybe it was just gymnastics being hard. We make it look easy sometimes, but it’s the hardest sport in the world. Or maybe it was …
“It’s my fault,” Emma says, out of nowhere.
“Em, it’s not your fault. It’s gymnastics. These things happen,” I say, moving out of my chair toward hers and kneeling beside it.
Emma shakes her head wildly. “No, it’s not that.”
“Then what?”
She takes a deep breath, and then the words come spilling out. “You’re all going to hate me, and I’m going to deserve it, but I need you to know … why what happened out there today happened. Everyone was so … Everyone was there for you, Dani. Even Russia wore those armbands in support, and I … I wasn’t there for you even though I knew better. Iknewyou weren’t lying, and I didn’t say anything. Audrey nearly gave up her spot on this team to help you. Mrs. Jackson suspended the entire NGC. Janet put her life on hold,”—she sends each of them, standing just behind us, a tight smile—“and I wasn’t brave enough to … to tell the truth.”
I blink up at her in confusion. What truth is she talking about?
“I was just so scared when I saw you get kicked off the team and then how Sierra and Jaime treated you. I was terrified, and I was making it worse for you and didn’t know how to stop. It just felt like it was too late. But when I saw all that support today from strangers, from people who didn’t know you or grow up with you or know for a fact that you were telling the truth, I … I broke. I knew you weren’t lying, Dani. I knew because for the last year, he was doing the same thing to me.”
All the air leaves my lungs in one breath, like slipping on the beam and landing on my sternum.
“Em?” I croak, but the sound of my voice must jolt something in her.
She leaps from her chair, holding herself around the middle. Her whole body shakes as the sobs burst forth, and then she’s gone, flying out the door.
“Emma!” I call, on my feet in an instant, but Mrs. Jackson blocks my exit.
“I’ll go,” she says quietly. “We don’t want a public scene.”
I blink up at her. What does she think I’m going to do, berate my friend for being a victim and surviving? I would never. Is that what Emma thought? Does she really think I’d hate her?
Mrs. Jackson leaves, and Janet is just a few steps behind her.
“I thought I was the only one,” Dani said. “If I had just said something, then maybe—”
“No,” Chelsea cuts her off. “You’re not going to blame yourself for what he did.”
“How did I not notice?” I whisper, but they both hear me. “She’s my best friend, and I just didn’t notice.”
“You had your own stuff going on last year, Rey,” Chelsea says. “You were hurt.”
I was hurt, and I wasn’t there. So Emma was left to room alone, just like Gibby tried to make me do at camp and just like he made Dani do at worlds. And that wasn’t my fault, but I should have been able to tell. I should have known something was going on with her. I should have been there for her.
I can’t sit still anymore. I need to get away.
