But I can’t let it hurt right now. I have to hug my best friend. I am so happy for her—really, honestly happy for her, even as the surreal truth weighs down on me that she’s an Olympic gold medalist and I’m not.
I hug Emma and hold her tight while she sobs into my shoulder, crying the happiest tears of her life. “I’m really proud of you.” She pulls away, smiling, and then lets Janet embrace her too.
Barely holding it together, I march back out of the arena. Chelsea is there, standing with the other vault medalists, and she immediately draws me into a hug.
“You were great,” she says, but it doesn’t help.
Everything about standing on the silver medal podium again feels wrong, from watching the American flag rise in the gold-medal position, knowing it’s not for me, to listening to the anthem play while Emma sings softly behind me.
I have one more chance tomorrow, one more shot at fulfilling my dream of a gold medal, and of course, it’s on the balance beam, where Olympic dreams go to die.
chapter twenty-three
Leo’s visiting us in the village. We’re lounging on the couch in the common area, curled up next to each other, our legs intertwined, the calloused tips of his fingers gently stroking against the point of my hip. I’m relaxed for the first time in way too long, and unconsciously, I check my phone.
Big mistake.
Huge.
#SilverGirl.
Silver Fucking Girl.
Ugh.
I swipe through into my social media accounts, and it’s everywhere. There’s even a viral tribute video set to Idina Menzel’s cover of “Bridge over Troubled Water,” the last moments of my all-around floor routine lining up exactly with the “sail on, silver girl” lyric. I don’t know who originally made the connection, but there’s no stopping it. This is who I am now: Audrey “Silver Girl” Lee. Famous for coming in second place.
Both Sarah and Brooke have texted me congrats, and that makes it feel even worse, since they’re sitting at home, and I bet Sarah would be super happy with a silver on bars after not being able to compete in the final at all.
It doesn’t help that there’s a message from Sierra there too.
Congrats, Silver Girl. You definitely deserved it.
She’s totally embraced my new moniker, and damn that bitch for knowing exactly how much it would hurt. I wonder if I scroll past her message, if there’ll be a near identical one from Jaime, but I’m not in the mood to find out.
“It’s a good thing,” Leo says, trying to help as I grip my phone a little too hard before slamming it down on the couch cushion. “Look at what they’re saying. They think it’s awesome that you’ve won two silvers.” Tilting my head at him in disbelief, he sighs. “I knowyoudon’t think it’s cool, Rey.”
“It is cool. I just …” I lean back against his shoulder and sigh. “I didn’t know how much I wanted that gold until I lost it.”
He doesn’t correct me. He doesn’t say that I won a silver and didn’t lose a gold, and damn if I don’t love him for it.
Whoa.
Love?
I tense in his arms, and he must feel it, so he squeezes gently at my hip, drawing me closer. I’m not complaining, but still … holy crap.
Love.
Whose crazy brain came up with that word? The panic must play across my face, and even though he has no idea where it came from, he still reaches out with his free hand and takes mine, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it and then to the inside of my wrist.
“You have another chance tomorrow,” he says softly, “and I know you’re going to be great. You’re always great, Audrey, even when you’re not perfect.Especiallythen.”
My heart twists. Okay, maybeloveis the right word. The right word, but still incredibly terrifying and way too fast and not something I’m ready to say out loud. Not for a while, at least, but still, the feeling is there, and that’s kind of amazing.
I prop my chin on his chest, looking up into his eyes. “I can’t believe all this is over tomorrow. After everything we’ve been through, it’s all going to end.”
“Not everything is going to end,” he whispers.
