“She’s not just any woman,” I say, and he wrinkles his nose and waves his arm in the air like he’s swatting away flies.
“And you can have both. You don’t have to discard your birthright. I know in the past Saturns have ended up alone or divorced, but I had both. You are my son. So, it will happen to you too.”
His words don’t make any sense to me.
“You were barely there.”
That shuts him up.
I continue. “You were obsessed with your work. With having The Sight and floating through time. You barely committed to human reality. I tried to get your attention, to alert you that something was wrong with Mom, but it was impossible. You never cared about us, but somehow when Mom passed, it became worse. You stopped living.”
“Watch your tongue! I was always there when your mother was alive, and after she died, I did my best. I put myself to work and provided for you. You went to the best schools and lived a good life. Now it’s your turn to give back.” My father’s gesticulation is wild, and his volume increases.
Luckily, the conference room is soundproof.
Vee and Merc watch, hearing snippets of the ugly truth I wasn’t ready to share days ago.
“A child needs more than an ATM. And I don’t care about The Sight. I don’t feel the buzz—”
“It’ll come,” he interrupts. “You’ll come to appreciate it.” He ignores my childhood pain, but I’m not even upset. I don’t expect him to acknowledge it.
“I won’t because I hate the feeling. The Sight allegedly elicits euphoria, but I feel worse off.” My volume has also increased. It’s greater than his, and he’s forced to listen. Dad watches me with intense eyes that mirror my own.
“Merc,” I call, and they perk up. “Remember when you told me I had used The Sight?” They nod. “That happened because I was thinkingabout doing something I love. Making art and thinking about the woman I care for. I’m not very good at this Saturn thing, but I’m good at those two things.”
Vee nods, and I continue. “I’m grateful I got the role because it forced me to move here, meet Moyo, create more art, and build an actual relationship with my cousins.” Vee and Merc look bashful. “But I think that’s my extent of being Saturn.”
My dad kisses his teeth. “I understand,” he says softly, and my eyes almost pop out of my skull. “You love her, you like making your bowls or whatever, and you like your cousins. But why give up working with the cousins you now adore? You can do your job, love her, and make bowls in your spare time—as you’re currently doing. Regardless of what you think, your mother and I understood each other. I showed love in my way, and she loved me in hers.”
He’s right. It’s confused me most of my adult life, but he’s right. My mother did love him till her last breath. She was fine with him living in the stars, but I wasn’t. I’ve tried to be him, tried to be Saturn while atCupid’s Bow, but knowing how the power manifests, I know it’ll cost me my life.
“It worked for you, but it’s not good enough for me. I don’t want to be a slave to time. I want to move with it. I want to live. Ever since I joinedCupid’s Bow, I haven’t lived. I abandoned most things I love in an effort to keep up. That isn’t life.”
“You plan to give up your birthright?” He’s horrified.
“I stopped wanting it after I saw what you became. You gave it up for a reason—”
“But you accepted it. Like me after your mother, your heart was broken. Working helped me, and clearly, it’s helped you too.”
“I thought I had no other choice. I even thought maybe I’d like it. But neither of those things happened. Instead, I discovered new things to care about—a woman I’d love to be with, a possible job that won’t involve living in front of a screen, and a section of this family that truly is family. Isn’t that ultimately what Saturn does? Teaches you lessons that force changes?”
Vee and Merc nod their agreement, but my dad isn’t amused.
“And what if this girl doesn’t accept you for you, since you don’t acceptyourself? What if your artwork doesn’t sell?” The words have some sting, but it doesn’t hurt.
“Then I’ll keep living. Each day I’m alive and not enslaved to time is another chance at my happiness. So even if Moyo and I don’t work out, or I learn my work isn’t up to par, I’d at least have the strength to carry on. And trust me, it’s easier to work and forge new relationships without waiting to drop the ‘I’m a god’ bomb.”
“I can’t watch you throw away your life.” He shakes his head.
“You don’t have to watch. I’ve already made up my mind.” I give him a solemn smile, but anger lingers in his eyes.
“Don’t call me when you regret this,” he huffs, brushing past me.
“I won’t call you. Period.”
I watch him walk away. I expect to feel conflicted, but I only feel peace.
Vee walks up to me. “Are you all right?” she asks cautiously, probably wondering if I’m upset with her and Merc. I want to be mad at them for manipulating me, but I wouldn’t have met Moyo without their interference. Maybe that’s the naturalCupid’s Boweffect.
