“Okay, so any thoughts or observations?” Niyi captures my attention.
“Um, it’s…beautiful,” I offer, unsure.
“Oh, sorry, that wasn’t clear.” He shakes his head as if chastising himself. He always does that. “I meant my behavior as a good date. That’s what I was modeling for you,” he clarifies. The room feels like winter again and my muscles freeze up.
“Oh, that…” my voice trails off.
It’s not a real date, Moyo. Don’t forget that.
I infuse pep back into my voice. “You’re being a lovely gentleman. No notes.” I force a laugh.
“That’s the kind of treatment you deserve, Moyo,” he says, and the room is now dryer than the Sahara. His gaze is so intense, so piercing. I want to look away, but it’s arresting.
“How did you find out about this place?” I ask. It’s not exactly a hole-in-the-wall, but I need to say something to distract from the intensity he’sdirecting toward me. What’s he doing? Trying to imprint my image in his brain?
“Merc’s doing a restaurant tour for a newCupid’s Bowpartnership, and this was on the list, so I offered to check it out.” He slides the menu to his left.
Oh, this is an additional work trip. A wave of nausea hits me. He’s not even here for me…
Hurt coats my vocal cords with pain and rejection. “Wow, so you can’t even pretend like you chose this place for me. I always knew Mercury had great taste but thank them for me,” I chirp, trying to create a sarcastic, jokey moment to hide behind.
Niyi’s eyes fill with remorse. “Moyo, this was for you,” he pleads. “You mentioned visiting restaurants as one of your favorite things, so I asked Merc for the list of top restaurants and chose this one foryou.”
It’s weird having someone other than the girls or my parents understand my discomfort when I hide it with humor. It feels even stranger that he remembered a comment from our first coaching session, despite this not being the first time. Am I so used to my hyper-independence that I can't fathom someone putting in the same effort that I do for others?.
I’m again embarrassed by my reaction to a perceived slight that triggered my insecurities. At our first meeting atCupid’s Bow, it was that I didn’t know what I wanted from dating. Now it’s because I know what I want, and the object of my desire isn’t acting according to the perfect scenario in my head.
“Moyo, what’s going on?” Niyi stretches his hand towards mine.
“I’m sorry. That was passive-aggressive and an overreaction.”
“Yes, you’re right. But that doesn’t answer my question. What’s wrong? You’ve been fidgety all evening.”
Guess it’s time to spill my guts.
I take a deep breath and, on the exhale, I spiral into what can only be described as word-vomit.
“I thought this was just another work add-on for you,” I begin. Niyi hums, his intense gaze not leaving mine. “And that made me upset becauseI’ve started to have feelings for you and was secretly hoping you were seeing this as a real date, not a practice one. I know I’ve gotten ahead of myself, and you don’t feel similarly because I’m a client, but our working relationship ends after today, so despite this being wildly unprofessional, bear with me and let’s enjoy this extremely hard-to-get-into restaurant.”
“You…have feelings forme?” Niyi looks dazed.
Great, I’ve broken him. I should’ve just canceled this entire thing. And started afresh with someone other than my dating coach.
“Like I said, no worries. You can ignore that, and we can have dinner. Or, if you’re uncomfortable, we can end things here.”
“Moyo.” His voice is firm. “Breathe. Can I get a word in?”
I nod. If I talk, I’ll just keep self-sabotaging.
Niyi rubs the back of his neck. “I am proud of you for sharing what you want, even if you do need to work on your delivery. I shouldn’t have mentioned Merc and made this sound like just another job. I apologize.”
Again, I nod. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Like you said, this is wildly unprofessional…”Here it comes. “But I also have feelings for you.”
Wait, what?
“You do?” I regain my voice.
