I don’t know why, but it surprises me when she starts to cry. She nods her head again.
‘Do you want to talk about her?’
Words are almost bulging from her mouth, but she doesn’t say anything. Like she wants to tell me about Lillian, but she won’t allow herself to. The rain picks up. A mile away from comfortable, I ask something that I know I shouldn’t.
‘Did something bad happen to Lillian?’
And I’m half afraid for her to answer. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. But Lillian died so young, and there’s obviously something on Peggy’s mind. There’s obviously something up. And I think this must be at the heart of it all. Unable to speak, Peggy nods. Something bad did happen.
‘Go on, pet, you can tell me if you want.’
A big breath shakes out from her. I almost want to stop her, but I need to know what happened to Lillian Kealey.
‘We were all mad for her.’
Peggy says, pulling back the crying. Am I cruel to make her talk about this?
‘I saw it happen from the bedroom. They all thought I was asleep. But I saw what happened.’
Slowly nodding, I stroke the back of her hand. Encouraging her to keep talking, keeping us both steady.
‘You can’t tell Jack and Tom and Anna that I said anything.’
Say it, child. What happened to that woman?
I hold my breath.
‘What happened, Peggy?’
Bill bursts through the door.
‘Only me, dear!’
He cheers, landing something down on the table.
‘Jesus, I’m not over the drink at all. Here, you won’t believe who Rob Keating claims to be doing a line with!’
As he comes into the front room and sees Peggy crying on thearmchair, the volume goes from his voice. And suddenly, his face matches mine. This sort of worried, surprised look. Only he doesn’t know what he is supposed to be worried and surprised about. He puts on a happy voice.
‘Oh sorry, ladies, am I interrupting?’
He asks, but doesn’t leave us. Peggy sighs. She is exhausted. I go and take down the biscuit tin and put it in Peggy’s lap.
‘Go mad, girl, have as many biscuits as you want.’
I pull Bill into the kitchen, where we have a conversation of very fast whispers. I don’t want her to think I’m leaving her alone, but this needs to be sorted.
‘Ring Tom there, or Jack, and tell them Peggy is staying here tonight. Say the weather is to get worse, we don’t want her walking home. Don’t be asking me questions now.’
He takes the phone off the receiver right away.
‘She’s not ours to keep, Betty.’
Bill whispers, but I ignore him. She’s mine for the minute. Clearly nobody is looking after this child properly. I’ll have to tell him about Lillian. About my scarf in Anna’s handbag, and the way she speaks to me. Maybe Bill will have the other half of the story. Maybe we can sort it out between us.
I go back to Peggy, lift her up and sit her in my lap and put my two arms around her. I put a custard cream into her hand. Even though her eyes are big and shining, she doesn’t cry. She smiles at me, backing away from the edge of a revelation. And not knowing what else to do, I smile back at her.
Jack
