He shook his fair head. “We were all watching the water. Heard a loud clunk, and then ...”
“It was a mine,” the older fisherman said. “Sure of it.”
Lachlan wound his damp shirt around Jock’s calf. German aircraft often dropped mines in Pentland Firth. Minesweepers from Scapa Flow kept the strait clean—but some of the explosive devices did escape detection.
“There you go, man.” Lachlan tucked in the loose fabric and patted Jock on the knee. He stood and worked his way back to a free seat—beside Cilla. His sopping-wet vest did nothing to stop the chills racking through him, and he tucked his freezing hands into his armpits.
“You were right,” Cilla murmured. “I’m foolish.”
Lachlan cringed. “No, lass. I was wrong to say that.” Even more wrong to think her a traitor, and guilt carved into his chest.
“No, Iamfoolish.” She shook her lowered head. “Impulsive, impatient, selfish.”
“Selfish? No. You jumped into the water to save—”
“Yes, selfish.” Cilla lifted her head, and dripping tendrils of hair obscured her lovely eyes. “All my life, I’ve only cared about myself, having fun, making friends. That’s why Gerda died.”
Lachlan clamped his hands tighter under his armpits to restrain himself from brushing aside her hair. “You said she died because of Hilde.”
“I didn’t stop Hilde. I heard what she was saying. I thought she was being cruel, but did I tell her to stop? Tell Gerda to ignore Hilde and find girls who deserved her friendship? No, I didn’t. I was having fun with my friends, and I couldn’t be bothered. And she died. She died because of me.”
Cilla’s face writhed with pain, and nothing else mattered toLachlan. Not even his heart, and he wrapped an arm around her shuddering shoulders. “Dinnae fash yourself.”
She ducked her chin. “No, that’s my problem. I’ve never fashed myself. I’ve never been critical of myself. I’ve never told anyone all that happened that day. Why? Because I can’t admit what a horrible person I am—not to others, not even to myself.” Her voice splintered.
The splinters pierced Lachlan all the way through. “I shouldnae have called you foolish. You’re brave, the bravest woman I know.” Even more so, now that he knew—knewshe’d helped the resistance, joined the Abwehr to escape, and endured the seas and prison and Lachlan’s wrath.
“Knowing how horrible I am—it feels awful.” She hunkered low and rocked back and forth. “Awful. So why does it feel right to see myself this way? It doesn’t make sense.”
Lachlan rubbed her trembling back. “It’s good to acknowledge our faults. If we never see ourselves as wretched sinners, we never see the need for God’s mercy.”
Cilla peeked around her shoulder at him.
“Aye,” he said. “It’s called feeling ‘poor of spirit.’ In the Beatitudes, Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’”
“I don’t feel blessed.”
Lachlan had nothing more to say. He rubbed her shoulders, encased in his own jacket.
The motor slowed, and the boat turned.
Lachlan gave her shoulders one last pat and climbed out into the center cockpit. The freezing air bit into every inch of his clammy body.
Several vehicles parked at the boat ramp, and Commander Yardley stood there with half a dozen sailors.
The boat’s crewmen heaved to the ramp, and Lachlan jumped out and jogged over to Yardley. “Two of the men need medical care, and the three others should be examined. Oneof the men died—never came to the surface. They think a mine sank their boat, not a U-boat. They saw no periscope or torpedo tracks.”
Yardley nodded, handed Lachlan a greatcoat, and beckoned to his sailors. “Help the men into the automobiles.”
Lachlan wrapped the coat about him, but he wouldn’t warm up until he changed out of his wet clothes.
Cilla climbed over the gunwale, and Lachlan dashed over to help her. She shrugged him off and strode over to Yardley. “I disobeyed your order, sir.”
“You did.”
She held out a key. “I deserve whatever punishment you have for me.”
“No, sir.” Lachlan marched up to the commander. “She saved five men’s lives. The Gunn lads are not even old enough for the Forces—their father died fighting in France, and they support their mother. Jock Bain has a wife, four bairns.” He gestured to Jock as he passed, aided by a sailor. “Cilla saved them all.”
