I’m hoping this will make him feel better, but Patrick casts his eyes to the floor. “Oh.”
Okay. Something’s up.
I sit next to him on the recovery couch. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Hm?”
“Do you—” I blink, fingers toying with the hem of my gym shirt. “Do you wish I’d been the one to write you those love letters?” I nudge his biceps with my elbow. “What, don’t tell me you’re falling for me now?”
He winces. “Ouch—my arm!”
“Oh, oops. Sorry!” I hadn’t realized I’d nudged the bandaged arm. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, good.”
We fall silent. Patrick stares at his gym shorts, and I stare at Patrick staring at his gym shorts. I don’t know what else to say, but I’ve got to saysomething.
“Sara—” he starts just as I go, “I was—”
We stop. Look at each other.
“You go,” he insists.
“Oh, well,” I begin, hoping the right words come to me. “I was kidding with that comment. When I told you I liked you back then? I mean, things were awkward for a second, and I don’t want that to happen again. But you’ve been acting kind of strange lately, so I was thinking—I don’t know—maybe?”
Patrick’s cheeks flush. “Listen, Sara. I just think—how do I say this?” He lets out a breath. “I haven’t really thought about what I wanted to say to you.”
I swallow. Wait, does Patrick like me now? Or does he want to tell me he’s into Tammy, and would it be weird if he starts hanging out with her more?
HowwouldI feel about that?
For so long, all I wanted was for Patrick to like me as more than a friend. We’d built this dynamic friendship, supporting each other through hard times and joking with each other during lighter ones. He knows everything about me, and I’m willing to bet I know everything about him. That’s a bet I’m confident I’d win.
All romance movies ever taught me is that the guy always ends up falling for the girl in the end. Is this the moment I’ve hoped for? Where he tells me he has feelings for me?
“Your new crush on Joe is great and cool and whatever, honestly.” He goes on, “I’m glad you found someone you really like. But, uh. I don’t know. I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk lately. I guess I’m afraid I’ll get replaced by whoever your new boyfriend might be.” He holds my gaze. “Sara, you’re my best friend. I’d be so sad to lose you. Yeah . . . so. That’s all I wanted to say.”
My heart thuds. This explains a lot. Patrick doesn’t suddenly have feelings for me, so why did I get a tiny thrill at the thought that he might?
No, I’ve got to put that out of my mind. The most important thing here has been our friendship. I’m not going to compromise that.
“Okay, well, first of all, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way,” I say. “And you’re not the only one who has been a jerk lately. I’ve also been acting stupid. It’s so silly, but for some reason, I thought you started liking me. And then I got confused, because why now? When I’vejuststarted liking someone else? But I’m glad you’re being clear about your feelings. It helps me know where you stand.”
Patrick smiles, but I swear it looks forced.
“And, you know,” I go on, unable to stop these feelings from pouring out of my mouth. “You don’t have to worry about any of that, Patrick. You’ll always be my best friend, but I hope you understand that when I get a new boyfriend, he probably will become my priority. And that may happen to you too. With whoever you end up dating in the future, you know?”
He opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but then closes it. I take this as a sign to wrap things up, so I rise to my feet. The festival is in two hours. There’s a boy who wants to hang out with me all night—one who’s led me to believe he mayactuallylike me—and I can’t waste any more time dillydallying here with Patrick, who only sees me as a friend. His parents should be here any minute. He’ll be okay.
“Let me know how the doctor goes, and get some rest, okay? I need to go get ready for the festival.” Once I reach the doorway, I turn back to him. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
And then I scramble out of the nurse’s office.
THIRTY-SIX
Sara
