“Holdon.” Oliver frowns so deeply that, if it curved any lower, it’d be touching the floor. “Youdoknow I’m not getting paid to hang out with you, right? I’m here to help you understand calculus.”
Okay, fair point.
“Yeah, but—”
“Which is, might I add, proving to be a very difficult task.”
“Maybe it’s because you suck as a tutor,” I volley a reply. “Ever think about that? Also? You need to severely work on your people skills. Perhaps I could tutoryouinthat.”
The tips of Oliver’s ears turn pink. “You’re acting childish.”
I throw my arms in the air, at my wit’s end. “At least ask me how I’m doing! Or if I’m understanding the material. Maybe if you were nicer, you’d discover I’m actually some calculus genius.”
“That makes zero sense, but fine.” He leans in closer, staring directly into my eyes. His eyes are this light mossy-green color, and it transports me back to the subway. How he opened them when I was the one moving in close, and the color caught me temporarily off guard. “How was your day? Care to explain why, exactly, you’re so upset right now?”
I don’t drop my eye contact. Instead, I cross my arms and press my lips together. Let him see how it feels to sit in a long pause. That’ll show him.
“Explain?” I finally say. “Why would I? I don’t even know you.”
Wrong thing to say. Oliver releases a frustrated breath between his clenched teeth and rises to his feet, packing up his bag.
No!I need him. I mean, I don’twantto need him, but I’m never going to get a good grade on my homework or my calculus test if he’s not here to assist me.
“Wait!” I lightly tug the hem of his hoodie as he’s turning toward the door. He freezes in place. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m the worst. I didn’t mean any of it. I’m just—I’m angry at someone else, and that’s not your fault.”
He scowls at me from over his shoulder. I must look pretty pathetic, because a second later, his eyes soften. Sighing, he slings his backpack off and returns to his seat.
“Okay,” he says dully.
“Okay!” I chirp, bringing as much enthusiasm as I can muster. I start flipping through my textbook at lightning speed. “Let’s do this!”
Suddenly, he slaps a palm on my book, preventing me from turning any more pages. “No.”
My jaw drops. “No?”
He’s studying me curiously, as if trying to solve a very difficult equation. Oh no—does that mean he finally recognizes me? Is he about to bring up the subway incident? Please,pleasedon’t bring it up now! Not when I’ve completely made a fool of myself.
“You’re too distracted.” I’m shocked at how gentle he sounds. It’s new for him. “You’ve got to understand your priorities. Do you want to pass calculus?”
I nod.
“Okay, then stop playing around and take this seriously.” He tugs his backpack straps over his shoulders again, standing. “Go take care of whatever’s distracting you, then we’ll meet up whenever you’re ready to focus. Just text me.”
And then, without another word, he leaves.
As I watch him go, an unsettled feeling swims in my chest. I slide my forearms on the table and slump over them, groaning. Take care of what’s distracting me? What ifyou’redistracting me, Subwayboy?
It’s hard to concentrate on equations when I don’t even know if he remembers me. And yes, it’s my fault for never bringing it up, but I also wasn’t wearing my disguise. If he recognized me, wouldn’t he have said something? Surely, right? I mean, if I were in his shoes, I’d have at least said something likeHey, you look sort of familiar. Don’t I know you from somewhere?And maybe, if he had said that, I’d have been brave enough to spill the entire truth. Get it off my chest once and for all.
Ugh, whatever. At least now I get a break from calculus. I guess that’s a bonus? Well, not if I fail my next test. That’s the opposite of a bonus.
Maybe Oliver has a point.
My brain is all over the place because I’m too stressed out focusing on all these little messes. I proved to myself I could walk in here without a disguise. That showed courage. Iamstrong! I didn’t backslide into becoming shy, timid Sara Lin. That’s not who I’m trying to be going forward.
I sit up, cracking my knuckles. Determination thrums through me.
It’s time to take care of one problem at a time. Ihaveto start taking matters into my own hands.
