“Uh. Because he’s usually working when I stop by after school sometimes. And I asked.”
“Oh,” she says again.
We fall quiet. I hate lying to her, but I can’t risk telling anyone about them. Especially now that I’m on the verge of getting my best friends back and reconnecting with my dad.
And maybe,maybeAlex has something to do with me wanting to stay.
We’re rounding the sidewalk back into her neighborhood when I say, “Can I tell you something?”
Lin grins. “About how you totally skipped school with Alex Ramos yesterday?”
My mouth drops open. “How did you—?”
“David told me. He was in the parking lot and saw you guys drive off together.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
She shrugs. “I wanted you to bring it up, I guess. You tell Whitney and Raegan everything because you’re with them all the time, and I’m always the last to know stuff.”
My gut twists with guilt. That happened a lot freshman year, but now it’s different. She has to know it’s different now.
“It’s not really like that,” I say. “I don’t know… I don’t feel as close to them anymore, especially Whitney. I feel like it’s my fault.”
Lin sips her Slurpee and casually says, “It’s not.”
I’m surprised to hear this. “What do you mean?”
She passes me her cup, and I take a swig of the cola flavor she chose. “I see you at lunch. You try really, really hard to make the whole situation not awkward. Whitney still doesn’t tell you how she really feels about everything. She probably doesn’t tell you anything about her relationship with Jay because she feels guilty.” She pulls a piece of stray hair behind her ear. “And all of Raegan’s energy is in her presidential duties. She doesn’t have time for friendship. Don’t take it personally.”
I want to laugh. And cry. Because she’s right. She’ssoright. We’re all not as close as we used to be, but it’s not for my lack of effort.
“Do you think we’re drifting apart?”
She falls quiet for a moment. “Sometimes, yeah.”
This sends a wave of sadness through me.
“But not because we don’t care about each other,” she explains. “Just—I don’t know—maybe we have different priorities right now.”
I think back to middle school when we wouldn’t even think of spending a weekend away from each other. Shopping trips, birthday parties, movie nights, sleepovers—we always had something planned. It seems so far away now, like it’s impossible to get back to the way things used to be.
Lin links her arm through mine. “But anyway. Are you going to tell me about Alex?”
I immediately grow flustered. “I—I don’t know how it happened.”
“Oh, come on.” Lin stares at me. “Really? He’s had a crush on you for ages.”
“I know,” I blurt, then shake my head. That sounded vain. “It’s just—I haven’t treated him very well.”
I tell Lin about his text confession all those months ago, and how he was so kind when we talked yesterday. I tell her how he’s been so understanding and patient with me over the years, and how my feelings have unexpectedly started to grow stronger for him, too.
“What about Jay?” she asks.
Hearing his name used to send my heart soaring. It’s strange—not feeling anything for someone you once felt so much for. Like listening to your favorite song on repeat for too long. It loses the magic you once felt in the beginning, but it’s not terrible. You’re just indifferent toward it.
“He’s not the person I thought he was, I guess. It’s like we’re both two totally different people now. I don’t know,” I hear myself say. “I feel like I’ve moved on.”
“Wow, that’s big.”
