Jay goes into the kitchen to deliver the rest of the beer, but I make a right into the living room. Lin is scrolling through something on her phone when I come up and stand next to her.
“I ran into Jay outside,” I blurt before I can think about what I’m doing.
Lin slides her phone in her pocket and looks at me. “You did?”
“He was with that girl. Jennifer.”
Lin’s eyes dart across the room to where Breck and Whitney are still sitting together in the love seat. Her head is tipped back in laughter, her brown hair spilling down the open back of her dress.
Lin sighs. “Don’t tell her.”
I frown. “Doesn’t that go against best friend code?”
“Trust me. She’s already thinking the worst. It’s better if she doesn’t have confirmation.”
“They were just talking,” I say, but I don’t know why I defend him.
Lin looks at me like I’m as transparent as a glass of water. “Do you believe that?”
I’m not sure. It’s like my life has been divided into two phases and I’m still living in the pre-Portland phase. That Jay was completely committed to our relationship. He was friendly, sure, but he wasn’t intentionally flirty. I never felt like he was untrust-worthy.
Now I’m not so sure.
Lin lifts her cup to her lips and says, “You see what she’s doing right now, right?”
I turn my gaze back to Whitney. She has one hand resting on Breck’s knee, and it looks like she’s whispering something in his ear. He cracks a smile and playfully nudges her waist with his elbow. We’ve all been close friends for a long time, but the whole room must be seeing what I’m seeing. And what I’m seeing doesn’t appear innocent.
“They’re stuck in some type of jealousy loop,” Lin says. She adjusts her frames before turning back to me. “I don’t think they’ve cheated on each other, but it’s like… I don’t know. Some kind of validation?”
I’m so confused. “What do you mean?”
Lin thinks for a minute. “It’s like they’re sending each other a message saying that they could each easily be with someone else, but at the end of the night they’ll leave together. They always do.”
I run my tongue across my bottom teeth. That doesn’t seem very healthy, but it’s not like I have the right to judge other people’s relationships. All I know is that was never how I felt with Jay, like I had to prove myself. Whitney shouldn’t have to, either. She deserves better.
My insides turn cold. If I think she deserves better, then why would I want Jay back at all?
The question immediately dissolves when I hear Whitney yell, “Kira! Lin!” from across the room. Lin gives me a strict look that says,this stays between us.I nod, even though I feel weird about the whole thing.
“Comeer,” Whitney giggles, motioning us closer. She’s clearly drunk because this is the most enthusiastic I’ve seen her act toward me since I came back. “Hey!” She says way too loudly once we’re standing next to the armchair.
“That’s it,” Breck says, attempting to take her cup away from her. “I’m cutting you off.”
Whitney pulls her arm away just before he can grab her drink. “Nope.”
I look around, but there’s still no sign of Jay.
“Hey!”Whitney says again, snapping her fingers in front of my face. “I was try’na tell Breck… remember that one night in fourth grade when we spent the night at your house? And played truth or dare?”
I’m so surprised she’s directly acknowledging me that it takes me a moment to think back. There were a lot of those times, so I nod like I know which one she’s talking about.
“And you dared me to eat a whole box of Thin Mints? Remember I did it?” She turns to Lin. “Remember?”
“Shesodidn’t,” Breck says, egging her on.
“Shut up!”she squeaks. “I totally did. Tell him, Kira!”
Now that she’s mentioned it, I do remember that night. Whitney, Raegan, Lin, and I moved the couch and coffee table to separate corners of the living room so we could spread our sleeping bags across the area rug. It was my idea to play truth or dare. We made Lin eat ice cream with ketchup on it and Raegan had to ding dong ditch Mrs. Riley from across the street. Whitney didn’t follow through with her dare, though. She left half a roll of Thin Mints behind before falling asleep.
