I snort. There’s no way I believe that. I sincerely doubt Freddie Mercury would take New York public transportation.
Nonnie smiles at my disbelief. “Of course, it wasn’t therealFreddie Mercury. Only an impersonator. There are a lot of people who’ll entertain you on your route home for tips.” She waves a hand dismissively in the air. “But he had a speaker, and I listened as he lip-synched ‘Don’t Stop Me Now.’ It was silly, but considering what I’d gone through it was also quite empowering. I gave him every cent in my wallet for his Queen CD.”
I feel the question erupt before I can stop it. “Why?”
She pauses for a moment. “I married very young. I’m not sure if I had myself figured out. And although I loved Charlie, he’d held me back in a lot of ways. He was always more conservative in his mannerisms and in the way he dressed. I thought respectable attire and droll conversations were all a part of my journey into adulthood.” Wallis comes and rests his chin on her leg, and she gives his head a few gentle strokes. “It turns out that’s not the way it works. You have to be true to yourself. That’s what the faux Freddie reminded me of that night.”
I glance at Nonnie. I assumed her flamboyancy and ridiculously bright clothing were for attention, but now I’m not so sure.
“And when people stare at me or ask me why I wear the things I wear, do you know what I tell them?”
“To shove off?”
Nonnie cackles with laughter. “No, no. I tell them, ‘dullness is a disease.’ You know who said that?”
I take a wild guess. “Freddie Mercury?”
“Exactly.” She grins. “I lost Charlie, but I spent more time becoming the woman I wanted to become.” She adjusts her turquoise frames. “Now, there were mistakes I made along the way—I never intended on ending up at Sober Living—but that’s all a part of life. You always have to forgive your own mistakes. Otherwise they’ll eat you alive.”
We sit in silence for a moment, but my mind is elsewhere. I’m transported back to Merciful Heart, where I was begging to see Grams, but my dad said no, that I don’t want to remember her in her unconscious state while the doctors did everything they could to help her heart. It would only upset me, he said. And like I did that day when Grams told me I couldn’t have a puppy, I repeated those same words to him.
I hate you.
He said he was sorry. He said it over and over, but it didn’t matter. What mattered is the only mother I’d ever had was gone.
“‘See you later,’” I say aloud. “That was the last thing I said to her. To Grams. I was running late for school. I don’t even remember what she said back.”
Nonnie lets this sink in. “You’ve been through a lot, losing your grandmother, losing trust in your father… but you’re still here.”
I stare down at my yellow throw rug. “It wasn’t my decision.”
“But you’re here, aren’t you? Working hard in school, giving your dad another chance. That makes you the strong one.”
A swollen sadness spreads through my chest, filling the hollowness within me. Tears sting behind my eyes. I never thought of myself as strong. That word was always reserved for other people: Raegan’s go-getter strength, Grams’s unconditional support. Never for me.
I wipe away my tears before they can fall. Nonnie pretends not to notice. I silently thank her for that.
“The pictures,” I say. “You don’t have to take them down.”
Nonnie rests her cool hand over my own. “I wasn’t going to.”
It’s a kind gesture, one that fills me with unexpected comfort. I realize that, at this very moment, I have an opportunity to attempt to convince Nonnie to leave as part of my list. I can easily do it, but I don’t. For the first time since they arrived, I don’t mind her company.
From downstairs, Peach hollers that dinner is ready.
I turn to Nonnie. “I ate earlier.”
“Well, I surely can’t say no to pizza.” Her gaze focuses on Wallis, who is spread out on my area rug. “C’mon, boy. I’m sure there will be leftovers.”
Wallis rolls over onto his back, making himself even more comfortable.
“Wallis,” Nonnie warns.
Wallis’s tongue flops over the side of his mouth.
“It’s okay,” I say. “Really. He can stay in here.”
Her eyes widen. “You’re sure?”
