It’s a reasonable request. I nod curtly, but all I want to do is go up to my room and be by myself.
“You don’t have to like these people, but they’re my friends. All I ask is that you treat them with respect.” He looks me in the eyes for a moment. “They’re all here for you if you need anything. Don’t hesitate to ask. I promise they’re good people.”
I glance back into the dining room. Nonnie’s using her napkin to wipe a splotch of sauce off one of the neon-green cheetahs on her blouse. Peach has another gash of magenta lipstick across her top teeth, and Saylor’s humming with his eyes closed, rocking side to side as if he’s gone into deep meditation at the dinner table.
I can’t possibly imagine what I’d need from any of these people.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, scooting past him. “I have homework.”
“All right.”
There’s hesitancy in his voice, but I pretend I don’t hear it as I take the stairs two at a time. Once I’m in my room, I close the door and sit down at my desk. It was a yard sale find from a few years ago. The white paint needed to be retouched, but instead of repainting, Whitney, Raegan, Lin, and I Sharpied every inch of it.
The surface is covered in Lin’s cartoon bunny doodles and Whitney’s inscription—DANCE4EVA—in bright purple. There’s an Eleanor Roosevelt quote in Raegan’s handwriting near the center. I drew stick figures of the four of us in different neon colors, but that’s not what catches my eye. In bright green, we’d written our names in big, bubbly letters. Lin had scrawled,BESTIES BETTER THAN THE RESTIESin block lettering around it.
I know it was only the first day back, but I hate feeling so far removed from them. The memories they’ve made without me make my stomach twist. If there was a way to make things go back to normal, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Wait.
I dig through my book bag until I find a spiral notebook. I open it to a blank page and grab a pen from the collection in an old mason jar on my desk. It’s not enough towishfor something to go back to normal. If I want my life back, I need to do something about it.
Aunt June was the one who told me about the twelve-step program after my dad attended his first few AA meetings. They’re a set of twelve principles that present a guided path toward recovery that involve bettering yourself by admitting your addiction, fixing situations with people you’ve wronged, and committing to eliminate all bad behaviors that led to the addiction in the first place. If these principles were followed and practiced, a person would be able to go back to living their life the way it was before addiction.
I know the steps didn’t work for my dad the first time, but it was like his grief over Grams prevented him from really trying. I have to believe he’s trying now. He’s made progress, and if the stepsdidcontribute to his sobriety, then maybe abiding by my own steps could help me, too.
This is what I need. Principles. Rules. A process that I can easily follow to get my life back on track.
I pick up my pen and start writing.
EIGHT
KIRA’S 12 STEPS TO A NORMAL LIFE:
1. Forgive Dad
2. Learn how to be a family without Grams
3. Make amends with Whitney
4. Be a better friend to Raegan
5. Make sure Lin feels appreciated
6. Reconnect with Jay
7. Talk to Alex about that text
8. Help Breck get on the decathlon team
9. Support Colton’s music
10. Convince Nonnie to move out
11. Push Saylor to leave
12. Make Peach go home to her family
These twelve people are a significant part of my life now, whether I want them to be or not. If I focus on each of these steps, my life should revert to how it was before I left Cedarville. That’s all I want, really. For things to be how they once were.
