I shrug it off and lower my own hand. “I was in the way.”
He’s staring at me, not bothering to hide it. I feel a stirring deep down in my stomach, remembering all the times he used to look at me that way.
“I’m not going to lie. You’re the last person I expected to accidentally hit with the door.” He has an easygoing smile. It’s effortless for him. “I didn’t even know you were back.”
He looks different. Of course he looks different. It’s been eleven months. He must have grown at least two inches. The same Cedarville basketball shirt he always wore freshman year fits him slightly tighter, showcasing his very,verynice arms. Basketball has certainly been good to him.
I can’t stop staring at him.
I need to stop staring at him.
I blink and say, “I got in last night.”
The secretary clears her throat, an obvious gesture to gain his attention. Jay glances over at her and then holds his schedule up to me. “They put me in art history instead of basketball.”
“They gave me mostly freshman classes.”
“Holding you to your true potential?”
Without thinking, I give him a playful shove. He laughs, but I’m alarmed by my extent of physical contact. Heat flushes from my toes to the very tip of my brain, but I don’t think he notices because he’s already walking over to the front desk.
My gaze drops to my outfit. I should have tried a little harder this morning. All of a sudden, my coral blouse feels boxy and unflattering. And—oh god. We were standing so close. Could he see the unfortunate breakout across my forehead? Wait, what does it mean if I’m worried about my zits around Jay? I wasn’t worried about it around Lin.
I’m debating whether my butt is comparable to the size of Jupiter in these jeans when Jay comes back and stands next to me.
“So,” he says, sliding his hands in his pockets. “Your dad is back?”
“Yeah,” I say, and we fall into an awkward pause of silence.
Jay knows my family. When my dad first started AA and seemed to be doing better, Jay would come over for dinner and watch all myCrime Bosswith us. One weekend he even helped us assemble my IKEA nightstand I ordered online and laughed at all my dad’s tool puns.
“I’m so glad we didn’tscrewthis up.”
Jay high fived him. “Younailedthat joke, Mr. Seneca.”
“STOP,” I yelled, but I was laughing. “You’re worse than him!”
But when my dad’s drinking binges worsened, I stopped inviting Jay over. I knew Jay was concerned, but I played a role of overconfidence.Of courseI was okay.Suremy dad was attending his AA meetings. Everything was fine.
It wasn’t, obviously. I was juggling dance practice and my schoolwork and making sure there were groceries in the fridge and a hot dinner on the table. The nights my dad downed three or more six-packs, I would set my phone alarm for midnight, two a.m., and four a.m. so I could make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep on his back in case he threw up. I started hiding his car keys when I noticed there was nothing but beer cans in the recycle bin.
Jay found me at Lin’s house after I left the police station that day. His mom told him what happened, and I was so ashamed and embarrassed over my dad’s worsening behavior that I burst into tears. He wrapped his arms around me as we stood out on Lin’s front porch. In that moment, that was all I needed.
“It’s supposed to be better this time,” I say, but my words are laced with cynicism.
Jay shifts his weight. I don’t want our first exchange to be uncomfortable so I say, “Anyway. I’m glad I’m back in Cedarville.”
He leans toward me, just slightly. “Yeah? Too rainy for you up there?”
Subject change.Finally.
I grin. “No one even carries umbrellas! I felt like such a tourist.”
“Let me guess. You decided to ditch the umbrella to try and blend in?”
“I invested in a very fashionable raincoat.”
Jay laughs. “Fashionable raincoat? That sounds like an oxymoron.”
