and the things I have done.
It will come—I am certain,
but for now, I only feel content.
I whisper back to her:
“I am yours for the night.”
elise
We stay at the park until the sky starts its gradual lightening and the day’s first birds begin their song.
Mati walks me almost all the way home and offers to go the distance, but I stop him when we’re a block out. My mom will be seeing red by the time I walk through the gate; there’s no need to make things worse by letting her lay eyes on the perceived villain.
“I hope she isn’t too angry,” Mati says, sweeping my hair over my shoulder.
“Yeah. I think she’ll be pretty pissed. Whatever Audrey told her would’ve been enough, but now that I’ve stayed out all night…” I grimace.
“Will you be punished?”
“What—like grounded? I don’t know. My mom’s style of consequence is usually more the guilt-trip variety. She’ll probably go on about how I’ve disappointed her, and how she worried, and how if I couldjust be more thoughtful.” I say all this glibly, like I’m unaffected, like the thought of walking into the cottage doesn’t scare me through,but I am and it does. Of course I long for my mom’s approval. Of course I want her to be proud of my choices. Of course her scathing looks and disgruntled sighs will get to me.
But not enough to keep me from Mati.
A squirrel scampers across the sidewalk and up a tree. The sky is more light than dark now, a smattering of stars rendered nearly invisible. Soon, the sun will have officially risen.
“I probably won’t go to the beach this morning. I have a feeling my mom’s going to want to have a conversation.” By conversation, I mean fight, but I don’t want Mati to worry.
Still, he frowns. “Elise, if you don’t want—”
I grab his hand, quieting him. “Don’t, okay?I want.”
He weaves his fingers through mine and stoops to meet me. Our goodbye reaffirms the conviction I found last night, and I’m smiling when he draws back. Heisa masterful kisser.
“Call me later?”
I nod, leaning in for one more.
***
My mom is in arage.
She’s disheveled and unshowered. I’m not sure she’s eaten since I left to babysit Janie last night. Fox News blares in the next room, and I suspect she’s been up all night, glued to the TV, cataloging Islamophobic sound bites.
“How could you do this?!” she cries, smacking the kitchen table with a rumpled dish towel. Bambi’s cowering beneath, her brown eyes anxious and confused. She’s not used to tension between Mom and me—we never used to argue. She lets out a low whine.
“I’m sorry,” I tell my mom. Iamsorry—for ignoring her calls and for making her worry. But I’m not sorry about Mati.
“You’resorry? Unacceptable. I’ve been up all night, waiting and worrying. Have you heard about what happened in Oakland?”
I’ve been cocooned in a world of bliss since I stepped onto that drawbridge. An asteroid could’ve struck the planet and I’d be none thewiser. Of course, my mom’s so melodramatic, she might be freaking out about a fender bender. “No. What?”
“A letter arrived at the VA Office. A threat against veterans, current service members, and their families.Terrorists. Imagine how I felt, knowing you were out with that boy, one ofthem.”
I fall into a chair. “God, Mom. Mati isnotone of them.”
She waves her hand, a throwaway gesture, like,I’ve heard it all before. “I’ve lost a child, Elise. My firstborn. I know you can’t comprehend how that feels, but I thought you knew enough to be considerate—to avoid putting me through that sort of anguish a second time.”
