I nod. “I hate that I’ll never know exactly what happened. Maybe that’s morbid, but the question marks are haunting. What if hedidsuffer? What if he was crying out for Audrey? For Janie, who he never even got to hold?” Tears flood my eyes now. I’ve never voiced these worries—I’ve never had the guts—and doing so brings a rush of contradictory feelings: heartache and relief, amity and embarrassment. But none of those is enough to cut me off. “The Afghan soldier who betrayed Nick’s unit… What happened to him? It makes me crazy that I’ll never know. There should’ve been someone there, documenting what happened.”
“That will be you, someday.”
I mop my face with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “I hope so.”
“I see now why your sister-in-law acted the way she did. I don’t accept it, but I understand. Grief is… inconcealable.”
And then he pulls me close, and it’s exactly what I want. Exactly what I need.
***
Later, he whispers, “I know what your shooting star wish was.”
I look up to find his eyes luminescent, his cheeks darkened by prickly stubble. “You do not.”
“I do. You wished to stay in this turret with me forever.”
His smile says he’s joking, but holy shit… “How did you—?”
“Maybe my wish was the same.”
I snort. “You wished for cookies.”
“Infinite cookies, Elise. With you.”
MATI
In a citadel’s tallest turret,
we exist like royalty.
It is a whimsical place,
perfect for exploring.
Perfect for learning her touch,
and how she likes to be touched.
She makes little sounds—
sighs, murmurs, mewls,
kittenlike and sweet.
They unleash something in me,
and cement what I have suspected
since we met…
She is right.
Weare right.
In our private turret,
she is never still.
