28
MIDWEEK, SHOUTING ROUSES ME FROM SLEEP, HOTwords blistering my subconscious before I’m alert enough to comprehend them. Bleary-eyed, I glance at my clock; it’s just after midnight.
A thud from the living room makes me jump—a book hitting the coffee table?
The arguments are getting worse. No longer does Meredith attempt to keep her voice down, and Dad has abandoned his evasiveI was workingmantra. Hurling thinly veiled insults with no concern for hurt feelings has become okay—normal. I hate that it’s all Ally knows.
I sit up in bed as Meredith shouts, “You could tell me where you’re disappearing to!”
“The last thing I need is a babysitter. Get off my back!”
“You’re hiding something. I know you are.” Her razor-sharp accusation cuts the sleepiness from my brain.
“Bullshit!” Dad says. “The only thing I’ve hidden is how much work it takes to keep this family afloat. Your lifestyle isn’t free.”
“Don’t you dare patronize me. I’m your wife, not a financial burden, and you’re smack in the middle of a midlife crisis.”
“Can you blame me? You have no idea what kind of pressure I’m under at work, and you have no idea what kind of debt you racked up with those specialists—even after we pissed away Jillian’s money. All you cared about was having a goddamn baby, and look where that’s gotten us!”
Ally starts to cry. Dad’s pitching low blows, and the hostility in his voice digs into my skin like a thorn—I can only imagine how Meredith must feel. My frustration with him, once a snowball tumbling innocuously downhill, has become an avalanche.
Instinct says I should take his side, but he’s beingsucha jerk. Meredith could leave him—I’m not sure I’d blame her—and she’d take my sister, who I’m only just getting to know. All I’d be left with is my father, who’s become so dispassionate he’s hardly recognizable, and a future full of uncertainties.
The house falls quiet. I imagine Meredith settling down to feed Ally. Dad probably has buried his nose in his laptop, as if he hasn’t just spewed a deluge of hurtful words. I close my eyes and think of Max, our after-school visits, cruising around in his truck, our final destination the secluded road by the river, where we talk and laugh and kiss like we’re the only people in existence.… The best hours of my day.
I’m sinking back into sleep when Meredith’s voice floats down the hall. “Jake?”
“What?” Cold, brittle.
“Are you having an affair?”
I sit up, straining to catch his answer.
“I’d rather know now,” Meredith says. “Considering your past, you can understand why I’d be suspicious.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve got a new baby. Your closest friend’s had a health scare. You’re stressed. You’re unhappy.” She pauses, letting her words sink in. “Beth left you because after Jillian was born, you strayed. Now you’re in a similar situation. Who’s to say you won’t cheat again?”
Beth…my mother… moved halfway around the world because Dad couldn’t keep his pants on?
A wave of vertigo rolls through me.
I reach for my nightstand and grab my phone. Briefly, I consider calling Beth. She’s the only person who can confirm Meredith’s accusation. But what’s the point? Dad’s lack of contradiction is proof enough.
My fingers dial a different number.
He answers after four rings, his voice textured like sandpaper.
“Max?” His name slips out, wobbly and small.
I hear a rustling. “Jill? You okay?”
I swallow the sob that arrives with his concern. “Can I come over?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll meet you at the door.”
I don’t change out of the flannel pajama pants I’m wearing, but I pull a sweatshirt over my tank top and slip on a pair of flip-flops. I climb out my window with far less finesse than Max manages, and my shoes slap pavement as I run across the street.
