“Never again, fucker!” I yelled, then slumped heavily on the bench near me and covered my face with my clean hand. This kiss-me-and-leave-me shit was already old, but now—it just fucking hurt. Sure, it was awesome, when it was happening, but the empty Jack-shaped space in front of me sucked.
“I won’t let you do this to me again,” I whispered the promise.
Really,whatthehellwas I doing?
Ever since the first time, since the basement, the words repeated in my mind like a song I couldn’t get rid of. I’d avoided Cal’s questioning glances, and yeah, there was a big fucking question behind those pretty but sad eyes of his. The same question I didn’t have an answer to.
What started out as a way to get back at him, make him confront the reality between us, to admit we needed to talk after that first kiss, was now just fucking up my head.
But I couldn’t stop.
The hand job had been a shock in the best and worst ways. Yeah, I’d never say getting off didn’t feel great, and with Cal too, but it had also made me want to do things. Do things to him, with him, things that could make me vulnerable and raw.
The look on his face as I’d left the locker room haunted me.
Why had I pushed? Why was I doing this to him? To me?
I didn’t want or need anyone in my life. But that wasn’t as convincing in my head any longer.
So far, Cal hadn’t said a word about us messing around. Nolynch mob had come for me. No whispers of us circled the school. And it certainly didn’t seem like kicking it was what he wanted to do with my ass.
So, what? He wanted this too?
He wanted his hands on me again like I wanted my lips on him?
This was no longer physical. No longer a demand from my dick. I needed to own every smile and moan thatIwrangled from him. Me.
Rumors might not have spread about what he and I were up to, but others had right after Homecoming. They said Cal and Sasha broke up, but he’d never said anything. Not that we shared like that, but … But what? Had I expected him to? Okay, yeah, I had. I was in his head as he was in mine; I should know these things.
He shouldshowme these things.
If he were free, I could make him mine.
But would I? Would I take that chance on him? Everything had changed now. With him unattainable, I couldn’t be hurt. With me pushing him to admit he was hot for dick, even a little, I wasn’t the one who’d be letting my guard down, opening myself up for someone else to see inside. If I made a play for him, I’d be in that same place as two years ago. I’d take a chance on a jock, and this time, I might not make it out of the crushed dream with only a scar, but with a broken heart too.
“This was your doing, wasn’t it?”
I turned with the first word and stared blankly at Sasha’s narrowed eyes. In a rare moment, I stood in the hallway, late to class because I’d been too in my head, and found myself alone with none other than Cal’s rumored ex.
Sasha grinned when I glanced left and right.
“Looking for Ty? What? Can’t handle little ole me without your brother for backup?”
Her assumption was fair. Ty and I were hardly ever seen without each other, but she had no idea what she was talking about. We were best friends. Ty had an older brother complex he liked to flex, which I didn’t mind because he kept me grounded.
However, her words were very telling. She’d waited to get me alone like this. If Sasha expected some big explosion, she’d be waiting a long time. A long time I didn’t have to be here for. Nor did I want to be.
Keeping my expression as bored as possible—and I was really good at it—I closed my locker and walked off.
Fuck you, Sasha. Even in an alternate universe, I’d never feel anything other than contempt for her. I couldn’t prove it, but I was sure she’d hurt Cal. She’d been slick, that was for sure, but she’d made him miserable. My only thought in regard to her was how much I wanted to lick the wounds she’d caused until he forgot about them.
“Don’t walk away from me. You’ve got a lot to answer for.”
I ignored her, of course, but—the fuck? A prick of unease tingled at the back of my neck. Answer for what? What did she think she knew about me?
Like an annoying fly that wouldn’t take the hint in a room full of swatting hands, Sasha kept pace with me as I headed to class, buzzing the whole fucking way.
“If it wasn’t for your little spat with Cal, he’d never have been so distracted. He’d never have stopped paying attention to me.”
