Even now, Sasha, the girlfriend I was severely neglecting, was trying to get my attention, but I couldn’t. I might have grunted some kind of a response to her that kept her going. At one point, she touched my arm, and I flinched, then glanced at Jack across the room to see if he noticed. I didn’t know why I cared or why he would care.
Jack moved his eyes away from me a second later.
Fuck me, hehadnoticed.
Okay. Okay, so what did I do with that?
Somewhere in our fighting, he’d become this sort of constant thing I could rely on. Something that wasn’t demanding and, in a twisted way, actually felt like attention.To me. Jack didn’t make it about himself as Sasha did. He wasn’t making it about the divorce or their jobs, as my parents did. He didn’t ask me about the next game, or what was for dinner, or about a test I had.
Jack, in all his bitching and puffing and glares and snarling, was focused on me.
How does that make you feel?a voice that sounded annoyingly like Trent’s said in my head.
I didn’t have an answer.
Sasha toyed with my fingers, keeping me connected to her like an accessory, as she blabbed with another girl in class, and I glanced at Jack over and over. Why? Why him? What about him? A tiny pinch on the back of my hand snapped me out ofmy head. Sasha smiled sweetly when she came into focus. I wish she’d stop doing that to get my attention.
Jack turned away from me.
Again.
The uproar of everyone escalated as the teacher left the room. Voices rose until one above the others seeped through the never-ending circles of my thoughts.
“I swear. It was a stupid joke, like …” Ty waved his hands around, then blurted, “What do you call a fake noodle?”
Everyone around him laughed without even hearing the punchline because that was how charismatic he was. He didn’t need the ending. Eyes were on him, soaking him in. Jack, on the other hand, rolled his with a shake of his head.
Ty snorted. “So stupid, but it got over fifteen thousand likes.” He scanned the students around him, as if making sure the attention was building before he went on. “I’m going to start posting all the dumb shit you fuckers say at school. It’s bound to get more likes than dad jokes.”
Our classmates laughed as if Ty were God’s gift to entertainment.
“Jack even says funnier shit than that guy.”
Jack lowered his brows as Ty brought him into all of it. His arms were already crossed over his chest, but somehow, he made the closed-off gesture even moredon’t fuck with me-looking. A wad of paper bounced off Jack’s shoulder. He shot his hand out, grabbing it before it fell. I blinked in surprise. It hadn’t even seemed like he was paying attention. Jack launched it, nailing Ty right in the head.
The class erupted in more laughs as Ty dramatically fell off his perch while making dying noises.
Jack grinned at his brother, then shook his head again. Instead of returning his attention to the window, he glanced at me.
There it was again. Just seconds. Yet in that span of time, the world stopped. Nothing existed outside of him and me. We didn’t react. No eye rolling or sneers passed between us. Time paused, and then it was over. Jack turned to the window, and I reluctantly answered whatever Sasha said with an appropriate noise.
Several students tried to get Jack involved further by aiming “nice throw” and “went for the kill shot” at him, but Jack closed himself off, taking my brief ray of sunlight with him. And once again, my world swallowed me whole.
Practice that afternoon was light in preparation for the game. We ran drills, found some last-minute gaps in the line, and corrected them. Coach swatted me on the shoulder as I ran past, saying it was noticeable having me at practice all week, as if I’d had a choice in missing last week.
Nick and Michael lingered in the locker room with me as the team changed, showered, and cleared out.
“What are you doing tonight?” Nick asked. “I heard some of the guys are meeting at Taco Waco.”
I shrugged. “Dunno, man.”
“Dude.” Nick leaned a shoulder into the locker beside mine. He was dressed and ready to leave. I was in no hurry and only had my jeans and shoes on. “This is some serious funk you’re in.”
“Lot on my mind, I guess.”
“You need to talk?”
I glanced around the locker room. Only these two were close, but I wasn’t sure I could get the word yes out without choking on it. I sprayed deodorant on, deliberately hitting Nick, then pulled my T-shirt over my head.
