The ache in my chest had steadily grown. I hadn’t even checked it yet. It’d bruise, probably, and nothing could be done for a bruise anyway.Should I tell someone? Speak up?Should I admit I’d been bested by a pint-sized tyrant in a skirt or suck it up and shove it deep like a man would do?
No one was home when I got there. I thumbed through my messages and had one from Cara. She’d gone home with Kittyto study. I dropped my bag on the bottom stair, then slumped beside it and raked my fingers through my hair.
Phone in hand, I jumped when it vibrated, my heart rate spiking, then nearly stopping whenMommaflashed on the screen.
Fuck.
I seriously thought about sending the call to voicemail but answered like the good son they wanted. The son that never got in trouble and made them proud enough to pay attention to.
“Hey, Momma.”
“Again, Cal?”
I hung my head. “The school call you?”
She didn’t answer but asked, “What has gotten into you this year? I know I’m not around as I used to be, but you’re an adult now. I need you to start acting like one.”
I didn’t have an answer, or if I did, it couldn’t squeeze past the pressure of the last year to be heard. It wasn’t as if I wanted to be a troublemaker. It found me no matter what I did, but Momma didn’t want to hear it. Daddy didn’t want to hear it. They wanted me responsible. They wanted me to be the man of the house or something.
I just wanted to be me.
“Answer me, young man.”
“I dunno.”
“Don’t give me that. You know what it is. Is it hormones? I thought you’d be done with that.”
I rolled my eyes, not sure what to say. No matter how I answered, she’d find fault with it. “They gave me a one-day detention. It’s not like last time.”
“You better hope it’s not. Your daddy is furious enough as it is. If you get suspended, I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“You?Youwon’t hear the end of it? Is that all that matters? Not that you have to, I dunno, talk to your son, but that Daddy will have to talk to you?”
“Calvin—”
“I’m sorry,” I interrupted her with hasty words I didn’t feel. I wasn’t sorry. Maybe if I was convincing enough, she’d leave it alone and end the call. “I’m stressed with exams.”And you, and Daddy, and Sasha, and everything.
“What do you know about stress?” she grumbled. “Try workin’ sixteen-hour days week after week, then havin’ to listen to your daddy complain about how I ran out, left him holdin’ the pieces, and the only time he ain’t rantin’ about that, it’s about you and the trouble you’re causin’.”
I dropped my chin to my chest as she went on. Tears wetted my cheeks, but I didn’t make a sound. There was no point. If Momma knew I cried, she’d blame me for burdening her with something about me. I just couldn’t win, and the only relief in sight would be the day I moved away from home. The day I could just stop answering hers or Daddy’s calls. The day when I needed nothing from anyone.
Dipshit
Can you come now?
I’dbeenwaitingatthe door, shoes and coat on, just needed the words. As I typed that I was on my way, I grabbed my keys, then headed to Cal’s.
His truck sat in the driveway, and I parked behind it. This stupid town. Cal in trouble again. Even if it was only one day of detention, it should’ve been nothing. Cal had defended me, took Sasha’s attack for me. My mood darkened with every step. Cal was upset. Text had no tone, but I could feel it all the same, as if he’d begged me to come over, crying the words into my ear.
His solid form loomed in his back doorway ahead of me, and I stumbled.
“Cal,” I whispered as I slowly closed the last of the distance between us. His red cheeks made his glassy eyes glitter brightly. He didn’t respond with words, just buried his face in my neck when I wound my arms around him.
I pressed forward enough so I could close the door. The evenings grew cold quickly once the sun was down, and he was already shivering.
Cal let me maneuver him farther inside. I didn’t stop until we were in his living room. I wanted to sit with him, but he clung to my body. So we stood. We stood, and I rocked him gently. He didn’t cry, though it seemed as if he’d done plenty of that before I got here, and he didn’t give any explanation.
But I could guess the reasons.
