As much as his concern sent a soothing warmth across my shoulders, I hated it hadn’t been Daddy who asked. He stood with his arms crossed, eyes narrowed, then turned and ushered everyone into the house.
“Sara’s pulling pies from the oven. Y’all head back inside,” Daddy said as he waved with his arms to move everyone along.
Paw Paw gave me one last glance and a clipped nod before ducking through the door, leaving Daddy and me on the porch.
A cold breeze swirled around my feet, but I shivered from deep within. I grabbed my forearm, not thinking, then grunted with a fresh stab of pain. Fucking Sasha.
Daddy turned. “What the hell was that?”
I stood there, stunned, mouth open to say something, but nothing came.
He lowered his eyes to where I held my arm to my stomach, then cocked his head. “Calvin—” He wiped his mouth and jaw with his palm, then dropped his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Yeah. Hell, yeah, I did but was too angry and couldn’t trust what words would come out, so I said nothing.
“Of course not. Acting just like your momma.” Daddy shook his head and huffed. “Never satisfied with what you have. You think leaving here, going off to college, is going to change yourlife? You think someone else will be better than that girl? The grass isn’t greener. Take some responsibility. See the good thing when it’s right in front of you.”
The fuck?“Who’re you talkin’ to? Me or yourself?”
Daddy startled, then blinked.
“Was Momma your good thing? You tryin’ to own up to your mistakes?”
“Your momma’s got nothing to do with this.”
“Yeah, okay. Momma’s got nothing to do with anything, has she? Not until you wanna blame her for your attitude or the shit you gotta do now that she doesn’t or the crack in this family.”
“Now, that’s enough, Calvin. I’ve got a house full of people. Between you causing a scene in the front yard and your momma snoopin’ in my office, I don’t have time for this.”
“Whatdoyou have time for?”
“Not this,” he shouted, then cleared his throat and pulled his shoulders back. “As if this day didn’t already have enough stress …” He shook his head again. “I am so disappointed in you.” With that, he turned and walked inside the house.
“Grrrrragh!” I aimed the frustration at the sky. Disappointed? How could they not see what they were doing to me? All of them. Daddy cutting me deep with his words, Momma weighing me down with hers, both leaving me alone to handle Sasha, who fucking scared me more and more. Sure, I might talk the big talk in front of her, but I hadn’t the first idea how to make this end, how to get her to stop hurting me.
I paced in the yard for a good minute before I had myself in control enough to walk in the house and face everyone.
Side-eye and pity-filled glances met me when I went inside. Did they think like Daddy and Momma? Was everything my fucking fault? I rushed to my bathroom and inspected my arm. Sure enough, Sasha had left cuts on my skin from her nails. I cleaned them off, bile rising in my gut, and swore to myself I’dnever let her touch me again. I wasn’t sure how I’d accomplish that since I’d been unable to avoid it so far, but I had to do something.
Thankfully,family timeonly had a few hours left. My stomach stayed in knots for every second of it. Momma’s sisters left first with their kids, and Momma left soon after. I didn’t hear the argument as Daddy walked her out the front door, but the aggressive mumbling and gesturing told me enough. Cara rolled her eyes, then hugged Paw Paw before racing to her room.
When Daddy came back in, he sighed, lifting his shoulders and snapping his head side to side until his neck popped. Without a word, he headed for the liquor cabinet in the kitchen. Paw Paw patted my arm as he passed and joined Daddy.
Would I be him one day? Would I need alcohol to dull the remnants of a bad relationship that wouldn’t remove its claws?
I ran upstairs, gritting my teeth, biting back words Daddy’d never listen to, but once behind my closed bedroom door, I slipped to the floor and swallowed the tears caused by too many emotions to figure out. Fuck this day. From the moment I’d opened my eyes, I should’ve closed them again and let Thanksgiving pass me by. What was I thankful for anyhow? Parents who despised each other and maybe me too? An ex who wouldn’t leave me alone? A high school career that wouldn’t be good enough to get me out of this fucking state?
After a brief text to Jack, letting him know I was drained, tapped out, I stripped, crawled under my blankets, and sought the comfort of unconsciousness.
The next morning, my head hurt, but I plastered on a passable smile and went downstairs. Cara and Paw Paw were talking in the kitchen. His overnight bag sat at his feet, and Daddy stood beside him, scrolling through his phone.
“There he is,” Paw Paw said. He gave me a strong hug and clapped my back. “You two are welcome at my place anytime.”
“You ready, then?” Daddy asked as if I’d been the only thing delaying them.
Paw Paw glanced at Daddy, who hadn’t looked up from his phone, and frowned. “If this one keeps giving you trouble, send him my way.”
“Good grief,” Daddy muttered and rolled his eyes. He’d done it before, usually when talking to Momma, but for the first time, I saw where Cara had picked it up. I saw family. Three generations in front of me with a disconnection in the middle. It all had my head pounding even more.
