Fuck it! Fuck this! The guys are probably going to be pissed, but I don’t care. I’m tired of hiding.
“Yes. I am taken.” I wrap my arm around Everlee and bring her to my side, planting a kiss on her head.
“Shut. Up!” Larry whisper screams, panting and flapping his hands in the air.
“This just got interesting,” Lizzy says, smiling.
Everlee tentatively puts her hand on my chest, so I look down at her and wink.
“If you will excuse us,” I say without waiting long for a response.
Grabbing her hand, I pull her across the dance floor, through the small hall near the bathrooms and swipe my keycard at the next door. I push it open and she ducks in, her brows furrowed.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
The latch clicks and I grab both of her cheeks and push her backwards against the door, pressing my lips to hers. The need to feel her lips on mine, taste her sweet kiss, is all-consuming. My fingers dig gently into the back of her neck as my tongue pulses in and around. The muscles in my legs are weak, my heartbeat is erratic. My body presses against hers, holding her to the door and my head feels like I’m swimming and my body… fuck.
She melts into my kiss like she always does, her hands falling from my chest and tucking themselves into the back of my pants. A light moan whispers in her throat, like she’s trying to hold it back or hide it from me, but she can’t hide anything from me. I know her better than she knows herself- what makes her moan, what turns her on, what she tastes like, what she feels like just before she comes.
I know her.
I love her. Fully, with every thing in my body. Every beat of my heart, beats for her.
I pull away from our kiss and put my forehead to hers, breathing her in and catching my breath. The silence between us lingers and grows to a deafening sound. My thoughts are muted by the pounding of the heartbeat in my ears, my stomach twists in knots and my muscles tighten.
“I…” I pause and try to ignore the catch of her breath. The words get stuck in my throat and despair creeps in. “Don’t hold your breath for me,” I sigh, shoulders dropping.
Her shoulders relax and I swear I can feel a wave pass from her to me. Like I canfeelher emotions. Her disappointment.
“Ev,” I start again, swallowing the knot in my throat. “I’m not a good person.”
Her forehead doesn’t move away from mine, but I feel her eyes shift to my face. Even though she doesn’t speak, the words she wants to say are clear.No, Jax. You aren’t a bad person. You’re not the monster you think you are. You are good.She’s only gotten glimpses of the pieces of him that come out in the bedroom and even then, he’s restrained.
“I don’t deserve your love.”
“Jax,” she breathes out my name like the wind floats across a flower field, a stark contrast to the intensity in her eyes. She grabs my cheeks and looks me square in the face. “Stop. Just stop.” She shakes her head as frustration builds in her tiny little frame like a spaceship trying to push its way through a stick of dynamite. “You are so worthy ofmylove.” Tears form in her eyes and I can see there are emotions and thoughts bouncing around in her head, words that she won’t say. “You think you aren’t worthy of love, but that’s bullshit.” The hesitant look in her eyes turning hard.
She pushes me away and pokes her finger hard in my chest. I guess I was wrong. Once again, she surprises me. My little fire cracker.
“You are scared. You’re scared of getting hurt. You’re scared of letting down your guard. Of letting yourself be loved.”
She keeps her finger in my chest, slowly pushing me across the room as her words feel like lashings against my skin.
“You aren’t unworthy of my love. You are just scared of it. Well, fuck you. You’re willing to let your fear- fear from the past, fear of the future control you. Your life. The man I know shouldn’t be so willing to let fear control him. Fear puts you in a box, makes you small, makes you-”
“Shut the fuck up,” I sigh out, wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, bringing her to me. I stare at her for a moment, her eyes wide with shock before I crash my lips to hers in an unforgivingly hard kiss. When her muscles relax, I pull away and look at her.
“Did you just kiss me to shut me up?”
I shake my head slowly, defeat creeping in. Staring her in the eyes, I whisper, “I love you, Everlee. I fucking love you so much it hurts. You are right. I’m scared. I’m scared of loving you and losing you. I’m scared you will see the man I really am, and leave. I’m scared-”
“Youshut the fuck up.” She wraps both of her arms around my neck and jumps onto me, wrapping her legs and arms around me tightly. “Just shut up and kiss me like you love me.” She smiles, her face beaming.
“I can do that.” I kiss her softly, letting the emotions and the feelings- the fear- flow out of me. I don’t want to let fear control me. It’s not gone, but I feel infinitesimally lighter.
When I stand her back up a minute later, I see a tear just under her eyelashes, so I wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. “Damn you,” I mumble.
We both stand looking at one another in silence for who knows how long. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? She takes a few quick puffs of air and jumps up and down, shaking her hands like a boxer getting ready for the ring.
