I MAKE IT BACK TO my dorm in a fog. Students fill the hallways, celebrating the end of our exams, but I can’t find it within myself to celebrate along with them. The room is empty—Felex is off at one of his own exams, then will be gone tomorrow night, meeting with his great-uncle while he’s in town—and I’m grateful for the solitude.
I drop my bookbag with athump, then sink onto my bed and flop back on the mattress, my stare fixed on the ceiling as I replay the exam over and over in my mind.
The moment when Poppy looked at me. The blankness in her lavender eyes, like I was a stranger. Like I didn’t matter.
Like I’d already lost her.
“You’re an idiot,” I say out loud to the empty room. I cover my face with a hand and groan.
Finals are over. I should feel relieved. I should feel free. Instead, all I feel is the hollow ache in my chest where Poppy used to be.
I think about when she agreed to tutor me. How nervous she was, clutching that notebook with all her ridiculous rules. How she looked at me like I was a problem to solve, a puzzle she could figure out if she just tried hard enough.
And she did figure me out. She made me feel smart. She made me want to be better.
And how did I repay her? By pushing her away. By telling her I needed a break right before finals, making her think she wasn’t important, that our relationship was just another stress I couldn’t handle.
By being a coward.
The realization hits me like a physical blow. I was so afraid of failing—at exams, at runeball, at being a good boyfriend—that I sabotaged the one thing that actually mattered, the one person who made everything else bearable.
With a huff, I surge to my feet, then begin pacing the small room. I need to fix this. I need to apologize, to tell her I was wrong. I need to fight for us.
But how? She won’t even look at me. She left the classroom without a backward glance. Why would she want to hear anything I have to say?
The ball.
The Blue Moon Ball is tomorrow night. I was looking forward to surprising her with my secret dance lessons and having an excuse to see her in a formal gown and hold her in my arms all night.
Is she still planning on going now, after everything that happened between us?
Of course she is.She planned the ball all semester. Do I really think she’d throw all of that away because of me?
Maybe it’ll give me an opportunity to show her that I’m not giving up—if she’ll let me.
I need a plan. I need something more than just words, something that’ll show her how much she means to me.
And then I remember that afternoon we spent walking through Wysteria, waiting for Pepper to be finished at the groomer. I remember the jewelry shop—the silver hairpin, shaped like a crescent moon, sitting on that little pillow, waiting for someone to walk in and buy it. Poppy pressed close to the window to admire it, and I saw the longing in her expression before she shook her head and pulled away, saying it was pretty but that she’d never wear it.
But I know her well enough to know she was lying.
Tomorrow morning, I’ll go to Wysteria and buy that hairpin. I’ll have to move fast, but I should be able to get there and back and still have time to get ready for the ball. And then tomorrow night, at the castle, I’ll give it to her.
I’m going to fight for her. Because I—
I stop pacing and catch my reflection in the frosty dorm room window.
Because I love her. This isn’t just affection or attraction or convenience. IlovePoppy Waverly. I love her laugh and her nervous smiles and her brilliant mind. I love the way she looks at me like I matter, like I’m more than just a jock who got lucky when he landed one of the smartest witches at our school.
I love her, and I let her go.
But I’m not going to let her go again.
Tomorrow night, I’m going to tell her how I feel.
I just hope it’s not too late.
Chapter 52
