“Your dreams aren’t always straightforward,” she says softly, still holding me and running a hand over my hair, like my mother used to do when I was little. “And I don’t think this one was.” She shifts, taking me by the shoulders and pulling me away so she can look at my face despite the darkness in the room. “What do you think it was trying to tell you?”
I lift my shoulders in a shrug, then raise one hand to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “I-I don’t know.” Maybe I’m too tired, or maybe I’m just emotionally exhausted, but all I can see is Aric turning and walking away, and I can’t find it within myself to somehow spin this into something good.
“Well,Ithink this means you need to talk to him.” Alina moves one of her hands from my shoulder to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’ve known something’s been bothering you, but you’re a tough one to crack, Pops.” Even in the darkness, I can see a slight smile pulling on her lips. “I didn’t want to push you to talk about something you didn’t want to talk about. But you should probably talk to Aric. Because I know all this is about him. You’ve never woken from a nightmare like this before.”
She’s right. Before Aric, I used to have regular, boring dreams: What I’d learn in class that day. Which corridors to take through the castle to avoid being late for class. Lyra spilling tea on herself in the dining hall. But ever since Aric came into my life, I’ve been flooded with dreams andemotions that I don’t know what to do with. It’s new and different and...
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“Of what?”
“Of him... not wanting me anymore. Walking away.”
Alina’s hand finds my knee where it’s still buried in blankets, and she gives it a light squeeze. “I felt that way too. With Raelan.”
I perk up. “Really?”
“Mm-hmm. And hedidleave me at one time. Remember how upset I was?”
I do. I remember the three of us finding Alina sobbing on the couch after she’d left us in the dining hall. That night, she was nearly inconsolable. And I remember being scared of love if that was how it felt.
Ifthisis how it feels.
Because this hurts. And I’m not sure I can keep doing this. My heart doesn’t feel suited to all this pain.
“But sometimes you have to go through the rough parts to get to the other side. But you can’t get to the other side if you never talk about it. So”—she takes my face in her hands, her cool touch soothing my cheeks—“I want you to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. He might be feeling the exact same way. Okay?”
With her hands still on my face, I take a shuddering breath and nod. “Okay.”
“Good.”
She pulls me in for another hug, and I’m reminded yet again of how much I love these women I get to call myfriends, of how important they’ve become to me over the past couple years. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
“Now get some sleep,” Alina continues, rising from my bed on quiet feet. “And no more nightmares.”
I get a small glimpse of the smile she’s wearing right before she takes hold of the curtains around my bed and pulls them closed, casting me into my own cocoon of darkness.
But I don’t fall back asleep for a long time.
Chapter 48
Aric
THE LIBRARY IS PACKED WITH students cramming for finals week, busier than I’ve ever seen it—not that I’ve ever frequented the library before this year. Typically, I’d be napping or out on the runeball field, not a care in the world. But this semester, so much is riding on these exams. If I don’t pass, I’m off the team. And maybe even stuck completing afifthyear at Coven Crest. Just the thought of it makes my fingers tighten around my quill.
When I got to the library, I headed for the table in the quiet alcove where Poppy and I used to meet up. But the table was already occupied, which made me feel equally pissed off and sad. But it’s just a table, and I’ve barely been sleeping, so maybe that’s why I was so emotional about it.
I wandered around the library until I found a narrow table at the back of the library, near the old bookshelves that I’ve never once seen a student pull a book from. Now I’m sitting at said table, which I barely fit at, but it’s the only oneavailable, so it’ll have to do. I shift in my chair, trying to get comfortable, and immediately ram my knee into one of the table legs, then curse under my breath.
“Stupid fucking table . . .”
What Iwantis to be back in my room right now, but I know I’d just fall asleep at my desk, like I’ve been doing all week. No, this is better. With the droning of other students whispering to one another and the feel of anxious finals-week energy in the air, I think I’ll be able to stay awake. Hopefully.
I focus on the textbook open in front of me:A Comprehensive Study of Runes and Symbolic Magic. My textbook for runesmithing class. The class Poppy first helped me with, back when we barely knew each other and had no idea what this was going to turn into. Back when things felt way simpler than they are now.
I reach up to touch Ma’s ring where it hangs from the chain around my neck. I still haven’t had time—or the energy—to recast the runes Poppy helped me with and make the ring glow again. But after finals week is over, that’s the first thing I’m gonna do. Or, well, maybe the second. Sleep first.So much sleep.
With a sigh, I let go of Ma’s ring, then reach to turn the page. As I do, a small gasp sounds from off to my right, and I look up.
