"Not long enough," Tyler mutters.
Donny puts a hand on his shoulder. "We'll be in the gallery."
"Okay," I manage.
They head inside. Jackson's still tense beside me, his jaw tight.
"Are you okay with them being here?" he asks.
"I don't know. But I think..." I swallow hard. "I think I need everyone who cares about me in that room, even if it's messy."
The prosecutor finds us before we go in. Her name is Lisa Lawson, and she's been preparing me for this since I agreed to testify.
"How are you feeling?" she asks.
"Like I'm going to pass out."
"That's normal." She's the type of person who makes you feel safe. "Remember what we talked about. Answer the questionsdirectly, don't elaborate unless asked. If you need a break, tell the judge."
"What if I freeze?"
"Then we'll take a break." She squeezes my shoulder. "You're going to do great. And Maya? He's already pleading guilty; this is just the sentencing hearing. You're not on trial. He is."
It helps. A little.
The courtroom is smaller than I expected. Wood paneling, high ceilings, rows of benches. Carson sits at the defense table in an orange jumpsuit, hands cuffed. He doesn't look at me when I walk in.
I take my seat behind the prosecutor's table. Jackson, Emma, and Chase sit in the first row of the gallery directly behind me. Tyler and Donny are a few rows back. The support feels like armor.
The judge enters. We stand. Then sit. The formalities blur together.
Then Lisa calls my name.
I walk to the witness stand on legs that don't feel like mine. The court clerk swears me in, his voice distant and muffled. I sit, and my hands grip the armrests.
Lisa starts with easy questions. My name. Where I worked. How long I knew Carson.
Then: "Can you tell the court what happened on the night of the assault?"
The night everything fell apart.
"I had been struggling," I start, my voice sounds distant, like it belongs to someone else. "One of my patients, a six-year-old named Lily, had died. It had been a while since it happened, but I couldn't move past it. I was devastated, couldn't sleep, couldn't function."
I can see it. Lily's small body on the table, the monitors screaming, my hands doing compressions while someone else bagged her.
"I went to Dr. Carson for help," I continue. "He was my supervisor; I thought he could give me guidance on how to cope with losing a patient."
"And what happened when you went to him?"
"He said he wanted to talk somewhere private, said he needed to grab something from the supply closet, and asked if I could help him find it to allow us to talk. I didn't think anything of it, I just followed him." My hands start shaking. "But once we were inside, he locked the door. And then he grabbed me."
Lisa's voice is gentle. "What did you do?"
"I froze. I didn't..." The courtroom is too small, too hot, and the walls feel like they’re closing in. "I told him to stop. I said no."
"Did he stop?"
"No."
