“She’s a goddess,” I say.
“It sounds like an awfully quick engagement,” he says. “Kind of weird, don’t you think? Are you two even divorced yet?”
“Basically.” I exhale and change the subject. “So are you happy to be done with your first year of college? You always were a whiz with computer stuff. And Daddy says you’re going to be working at The Cowherd this summer, to learn about running a business. I’ll be thrilled to have you there. You starting this week?”
“Macey.” He tries to take my arm.
“I know you feel like your college experience doesn’t count because you’re still living at home. But I can tell you a grade is a grade, and a credit is”—I’m running out of steam and I struggle to get the last words out without choking—“is a credit.”
“You’re not okay.”
“No, I’m not. But I will be. Don’t worry.” I tell him goodbye and jump into my SUV.
I drive down the dark road toward my place, wishing my family visit had given me the distraction I’m craving.
I need to turn my brain off completely.
I’ve only ever found one thing that can do that.
But with the only man I truly want permanently off the market, I need to start getting used to life without him. It’s time I stop holding onto a drunken night in Vegas and move forward.
Before I’ve even arrived home, I pick up my cell phone.
“Hey Jamie,” I say when he answers. “I’m ready to take things to the next level. You want to come over?”
43
The minute Jamie walks in my front door, I drag him to the couch and throw my arms around his neck.
“Hi there,” Jamie says into my ear. “I’m happy you called.”
His hands are all over me immediately, and before he’s even kissed me, he lifts my shirt up.
“You have a tattoo on your breast.” Jamie stares at the red raindrop that’s showing through the thin white fabric of my bra.
I grab the hem of my shirt and pull it back down. “Yes. It’s years old.”
Jamie runs his hand through his short blond hair until it stands straight up. “What’s it mean?”
Everything. But that’s not the right answer to tell a boyfriend. Okay, my…sort of boyfriend. My attempt at distraction from another man if I’m really being honest.
God, what is wrong with me?
I sit up and try to push away the feeling of emptiness inside me. The pain I’d temporarily forced myself to forget is rushing back far too quickly.
“I got it one day with a friend,” I finally say. “Just one of those teenage rebellion things.”
Jamie puts out his arms. “Come here and talk to me. You seem down.”
I relax into his arms, but not because I want to talk about what’s going on.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I just…I’ve had a rough week. I didn’t mean to slow things down to a crawl just now. But I’m obviously not in the mood for sexy times tonight. I wish to God I was. I’m just not.”
“So let’s watch a movie.”
“Okay.”
I end up falling asleep halfway through the movie, and when I wake up the next morning, Jamie’s gone.
