I blink. “Wait. You had dreams of telling me that?”
“I’d deny it when I woke up. But my emotions were so strong the first time we had sex when we were seventeen. I couldn’t shake the intense feelings,” Logan says in a low voice. “Honestly, I know now that I was in love with you long before then. I just didn’t think I was the kind of guy who could be in a relationship, and that belief clouded everything. But when I stopped and actually listened to myself—the truth is, I’ve always loved you, Austen Macey Henwood.”
My response catches in my throat.
Logan cups my jaw and turns my head to face him. “I really hated this summer. Because I realized something—I do want to get married.”
I stare at him. “Logan…”
“But the only person I want to marry is you.”
Oh, my God. Did he just confess…
“I know you won’t say it back,” he murmurs. “I know you don’t love that way, but I don’t care. I love you now, I loved you then, and I always will.”
But I do love that way, I want to tell him. I just did.
Before I can speak, he says, “And I would rather be with you once a year with no commitment than marry some woman—any woman—who’s not you. That I can promise you. I’ll never commit if I can’t commit to you, Macey.”
“Logan.” I put my hand on his cheek.
“So I’m not trying to box you in. You don’t need to change for me to love you. I love you just as you are—my independent, sexy-as-fuck best friend who I want to make love to whenever she’ll have me.”
My eyes fill with tears and some of them spill out onto his bare chest. He reaches out and catches one with his thumb.
“Too much?” he asks me.
I’ve officially lost the power of words. I sit up and raise my hand, asking him to give me a second.
Far longer than a second passes.
“Um…Mace, what’s going on?” Logan finally says as the silence continues.
Tell him, you freaking idiot.
My internal demons are having a moment of war with my heart. Those demons that have warned me over and over again not to put my heart out there, to never put my heart out there because then it can never be stomped on. My demons have taught me well, and I’ve consistently listened. If I keep my heart locked up, it can never be hurt.
But I’m not listening to my demons anymore.
“Are you freaking out?” Logan takes a deep breath. “Because that’s cool. It’s probably crazy fast and…”
He tries to close down his expression, but the pain is all over his face.
I take his hand in mine and look into his eyes. “No, that’s not it at all.” I reach into my purse and retrieve my diary. “I want to read you my Vegas entry.”
Logan’s already shaking his head. “No. Please, Mace. Not that one. I can’t hear it.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” He averts his gaze. “I know how you felt about marrying me and how despicable it was to you. And I don’t want to hear your even more honest feelings on the matter from Drunk Macey.”
I open the diary to the last entry. “You’re gonna want to hear this,” I say firmly.
Logan reaches for the diary to close it, but I lean away from him and turn the diary on its side so I can start reading aloud the brilliant ramblings of Drunk Macey.
I’m Austen Macey Henwood, and I’m very drunk.
Logan snorts with laughter.
