She does that waving hand thing I’ve learned is a way to distract from her emotions.
“Haley.” I hold fast to the hand I’m still covering with my own. “Be honest with me. I’m happy to help you with anything you need. Just say what you need.”
“You’ll teach me how to have casual sex,” she blurts out.
Oh shit. My stomach clenches with a combination of desire and fear, and I withdraw my hand from hers.
She takes my gesture to mean I’m turning her down.
“Forget I asked.” She starts talking really fast. “I’m sorry to have been so blunt. If you haven’t already noticed, I don’t really know the meaning of the word subtle. I should have explained what I meant first before I gave away my entire hand. We’re in Texas after all. You’re supposed to hold your cards close to your chest here, right?”
I chuckle. “Texas Hold ‘Em.”
“Exactly.”
Silence hits our table as we stare at each other.
“What do you really want, Haley?” I finally say.
“Honestly, Liam, I want incredible sex where I can’t get attached so I don’t get hurt when it ends.”
“How come?”
“Because I care too much.” She wrinkles her nose like it pains her to admit that fact.
“Caring is a good thing,” I say.
“For me, it’s been a bit of a curse,” she says. “Caring about my parents’ broken relationship, my sister and all her drama, my birth mother who wants to forget I exist, even the last couple of guys I dated. They had issues, and I swore I could fix them. News flash: I couldn’t.”
“I’m familiar,” I murmur.
“You and your ex-wife?” she asks, her eyes fixed on mine like the answer very much matters to her.
I’m not sure why when all she wants is casual, but I nod.
“Despite her obvious doubts, I thought we could make it. But we were screwed the moment I put that ring on her finger. We’ve always wanted different things. But I got it in my head I could make her happy anyway.”
Haley rests her chin on her hand. “It’s agony to want someone to be different than they are. Yes, I want to be close to my sister but in a way where we’re both there for each other. The reality is that I’m asking for too much from her. That’s not her fault, really. It’s mine. I want my dad not to be a cheater. But that’s impossible. I can’t turn back time. And yet, I stay up at night, retelling the story until it all fits right in my brain.”
“So you think that you…”
“I need to learn how to care less.”
* * *
Haley
“And you think I’m good at that. Not caring.”
Hurt flashes across Liam’s face.
“No, no. I know how much you care about your daughter and your brothers. But you said since your divorce that you vowed not to fall in love again. I’m paraphrasing.”
His tense expression eases.
“I never actually said I wouldn’t fall in love.”
“I inferred.”
