My parents flash through my mind at my words, followed by Cathy walking out, and I swallow down the pain. Too much loss can scar a person. I try to focus on my present and my future, but I worry sometimes that my past trauma affects me in ways I’m not aware of.
And I don’t worry for myself but for Lulu. She deserves the best of me, not some fucked-up version of what I could have been had I worked harder to let go of old crap.
Haley is still looking at me.
Without thinking, I lean in and kiss her on the cheek. “I hope tomorrow will be better than today for you.”
She shifts her body and presses her lips to mine.
And…fuck.
The electricity that shoots through my entire body lights me up inside and out.
I go from half-mast to rock hard in an instant.
I want all of Haley. Not just her mouth. I want to be inside of her, and on top of her, and below her, and behind her, and…
But I’m sober enough to stop what would surely be a train wreck come tomorrow.
However, that doesn’t mean I’m a saint. I lean into her mouth and kiss her back, enjoying her little sighs and moans.
I tangle my fingers in her hair and kiss her harder. Her tongue darts into my mouth, and I let mine dance with hers.
But only for a moment.
Excruciatingly, I put my hands on her arms and separate myself from her.
“We’ve been drinking.”
“I know.” She glances at the empty champagne bottle. “I see the remains.”
“I don’t want you to regret something in the morning.”
Before she can protest, because I see the stubbornness flare in her eyes, I stand up.
“I’ll get us some water. You should sober up before you take a bath.”
* * *
The incredible thing about sobering up with Haley instead of sleeping with Haley is that I have a great time.
She’s just as fun to talk to as I imagine she would be to make love to.
And it’s been a long fucking time since I felt that way about a woman.
Cathy was the closest I came to enjoying a woman’s company outside of sex.
But we were kids when I felt that way. As we became adults, our relationship soured. For a long time, the only thing we’ve had in common is our love for our daughter.
And I don’t think I’ve stopped to acknowledge how alone I’ve felt.
Being a single parent can be really fucking lonely.
Nothing like a depressing thought to fully sober you up.
When I look over at Haley, she’s watching me.
“You look as sober as I feel,” she says. “Coming down from the high can be tough.”
