Her tone is almost…possessive.
I can’t help the rush of enjoyment I feel at the thought of Haley being jealous. Because if she’s jealous, that might mean she feels this nuclear connection between us as strongly as I do.
I haven’t slept with a woman since Cathy and I divorced over a year ago. I can take care of my own needs myself, and I haven’t wanted to complicate my life—and my daughter’s—any more than it already is. But right now, my decision is making my attraction for Haley even harder to deny.
“She’ll be there. She and her sister will fly out shortly and stay in a house in town. She wanted a break from the heat of New Orleans, and this way, Lulu will be able to see both her parents all summer.”
Haley opens her mouth like she’s going to say more, but then she doesn’t.
Anyone else, I’d be relieved. And if they’d asked, I would have shut them down. Even my own brothers have no fucking clue what happened between Cathy and me. I’ve felt like if I started to talk about it, to anyone, the pain would hurt worse. So I put a lid on it and never discussed it at all. Unhealthy? Absolutely, but that’s what my dad taught us to do.
“You can ask me.” The words coming out of my mouth don’t even sound like my voice.
“I don’t want to pry,” she says immediately. “I would hate being asked what happened all the time. It’s like people asking me how I feel about being adopted. It just is. It’s a part of you, yes. But just because something isn’t conventionally accepted as good doesn’t mean it’s bad for you.”
I stare at her. In the neon-lit restaurant, her glasses highlight her ocean-blue eyes all the more, and I can’t tear my gaze off of her. She’s so…calming to my constantly frenzied internal state.
I nod slowly. “Yeah. That’s how I feel too. The thing is, Cathy and I first broke up years ago. We were high school sweethearts, but the relationship probably should have ended at graduation. We continued dating for years after though. I was so preoccupied with my career, and she had been there before I was famous. I trusted her. But we fought all the time. Eventually, we did make the decision to break up.”
“But…”
“But two months after we ended things mutually, Cathy found out she was pregnant. And both of us knew we wanted to keep the baby. So…I proposed.”
Haley nods. “And she said yes?”
“She hesitated.”
She winces. “Did that hurt?”
I’ve actually never told anyone that part. How Cathy really didn’t want to get married. She knew we weren’t right for each other long-term. I wanted us to work, though. With a baby coming, I wanted us to be a family. I thought we could be.
“I understood where she was coming from. But I was stubborn, and I wouldn’t see it from her side. I thought we could both change enough that we’d be happy together. So I promised her it would be okay.”
“And was it?”
“At first. During her pregnancy, we were happy. And hopeful. But after Lulu was born, the added stress of raising a newborn tore us apart. And I was traveling all the time for work, so she was alone a lot. She didn’t want that kind of a marriage. I don’t blame her. She was lonely, and when I was home, we fought. We couldn’t reconnect to what made us fall in love in the first place. She told me she wanted a divorce. I didn’t fight her. However, I vowed never to get involved like that again. The whole thing kind of soured me to relationships.”
“I get it. I only saw divorce second hand, and it was enough to turn me off to marriage and love.” Haley rests her chin on her hand. “You’re surprisingly open.”
“I’m not ever open,” I admit.
She smiles. “It’s the ‘being stuck in a truck with a near-stranger’ syndrome, isn’t it?”
“Must be.”
That’s an easy out. Because the truth is that nothing could make me open up if I didn’t want to.
I want to tell Haley these things. I don’t want to stop and analyze why, but I like sharing with her.
My gaze snags on her lips. They’re naturally pink with no lipstick. They’re also really fucking kissable.
I lean forward without thinking.
Luckily, the table between us halts my motion long enough for me to stop myself.
Haley is studying me.
“What are you doing?” she asks me.
