“A pact? You mean like a no commitment pact?” He nodded. “I like that idea. That way we can go right back to being friends after.”
“Exactly. No strings, no attachments, no pressure. No dates, no beds, and no commitment. Ever.”
He stared at me. “Seriously? I’m on board with the no strings and no commitment. I don’t want that kind of stress either. But what does ‘ever’ mean?”
“Forever.” I shrugged. “We never get married—to each other or to anybody else.”
“Why no one else, Mace?” His eyes danced with amusement like he knew.
I went silent for a moment.
Because I want to keep you for myself, and casual is all I can ever handle. Casual is all I ever deserve.
“Wait. Stop for a second.” Logan puts his hand on my thigh. “That’s not what you said to me then.”
“I know. I said this, ‘Because you and I aren’t made for marriage, Logan. We’re free spirits, and we have to make sure we don’t get trapped. So if we make the promise to each other, we’ll keep each other safe from prison. Deal?’”
Logan’s hand is still on my leg. “Yes, we’re free spirits. But is the truth that you don’t think you deserve a real relationship? Is that what you still feel?”
I shake my head. “No. Of course not. I’m just meant to be single. Can we please continue?”
He nods but keeps his hand on me.
Logan’s eyes glowed in the moonlight, and his full mouth twisted into a sort of smile, a sort of frown. “So a lifetime pact to always be alone.”
“A lifetime pact to always be independent, and to never hold each other back. We’ll always let each other go afterward.”
Logan’s eyes locked with mine. “So if we make this pact and have sex, can we have sex again as long as we let each other go after?”
Every hormone in my body vibrated. “Yes.”
“But if it’s hard to let go, we’ll have to pull back and do it less often,” Logan said.
“Okay. That makes sense. Once a year, maybe?”
“Yeah, once a year sounds good,” he said. “Granted, you and I are crazy, right?We think we can control sex.”
“And feelings,” I whispered.I could hear the franticness in my voice when I added, “But I have to control them. Or else, I can’t do this with you.”
Logan looked at me for over a minute in silence. Just when I was sure he’d say no, he stuck out his hand, and I shook it.
He nodded once at me. “I think this will work. At the very least, I’m willing to try. Let’s make the pact.”
Chapter Fifteen
“We made a pact,” I say in a bare whisper. “But it was silly to say forever. And I want you to be happy, Logan. It was unfair of me to ask you to stay unattached just because I had to.”
“One, you didn’t force me to do anything. I wanted the same things you did. And two, you lied to me then.” Emotion is making his voice gravelly. “You wanted more and didn’t think you could get it. Why?”
“You know my parents as well as I do. And you know what the whole town says about them: ‘Mama’s crazy as a hatter, and Daddy can’t walk a straight line.’”
“So what?” he says. “So what if they’re who they are? You’re you.”
“Yeah, and I got to take care of them andtheirkids for my whole life. I was their first mistake, and I’m the reason they married in the first place. So I owed them.”
“Bullcrap. You didn’t owe them anything! You deserve happiness as much as anybody else, maybe more.”
Logan’s lips are so close I want to throw my mouth on his and not look back. Instead, I turn back to my diary.
