Phillip laughs, but the chuckle is condescending. “What do we need a break for? We’re getting married in less than two weeks. We’ve known each other forever. What just happened—this little breach of trust—is nothing compared to that kind of mileage. Trust me.”
For the first time I can remember, I don’t allow him to seize control of the conversation. “See, that’s the thing, Phillip. Mileage or not, and what happened with the panel or not, let’s be honest—the most important thing in your life is your work. I’m not saying that’s bad. But for me, that’s not the kind of marriage I want.”
The dress is unzipped now. I spin around and put my hands on Phillip’s arms. “This feeling isn’t going to disappear in a few days. I’ve given it a lot of thought.”
He steps back until he’s sitting on the bed. “Lei. What are you saying?”
I sit next to him. “I’m saying that you deserve to marryyourperson. The right woman who will be by your side because it’s what she truly wants. Your perfect match.” I swallow. “I’m not that person for you, Phillip. And I’ve come to realize that marrying you isn’t right for me either. I absolutely hate hurting you, and I’m so sorry.” Hot tears slide down my cheeks as I say the words.
He puts his hand over mine. “What can I do to change your mind?”
“It’s not something you can do. You’re wonderful. But you’re not right for me. Not as a life partner, and that’s not something I will change my mind on. I’m going to move in with Sophia temporarily, and when we’re ready, I’ll tell my family we’ve cancelled the wedding.”
Phillip stands up. “Let’s go downstairs and have some tea.”
I change out of my dress and put on a sweatshirt and jeans.
By the time I get downstairs, Phillip’s got two mugs of tea sitting on the coffee table, one on either side of his microscope. I sit next to him and we sip our tea in silence for a few minutes.
“What went wrong with us?” he asks me finally. “How did we grow apart?”
I look into his eyes, feeling like I’m seeing them again for the first time in a while.
“I’m not sure,” I say, and I’m surprised to feel a thickness in my throat. “I guess it happened gradually.”
“I’ve been married to my job. I can say I’ll change, but…” He trails off.
“But you can’t make that kind of a promise,” I say. “It’s who you are, Phillip. And I’ve always admired you so much for that. I still do.”
“Just not as your husband.”
I inhale. “Right.” I hold up my left hand. “Your ring fell off. I have no idea where.”
“That kind of knot can’t come undone,” he says in a pinched tone.
“And yet it did,” I say softly.
Phillip takes my hand in his and rubs my bare finger. “It’s so strange to see you without it. And even worse? I didn’t notice it was gone.”
Pain crosses his face.
“It’s okay,” I say. “You’ve been away.”
“Does Brayden have anything to do with this?” he asks me abruptly.
I cross my hands over my knees. “In a way, yes. Seeing him again after all this time, spending time together, I remembered some things about myself I’d forgotten. How much I love to paint. How different you and I really are. I always wanted to make you happy because you’ve always been so good to me. But I’m not even sure I want to be a professor anymore. I really want to pursue my painting right now.” I take a breath and tell him I’m quitting the PhD program. “I’m going to try to sell my artwork in town. That’s what I really love.”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry I didn’t support you in that.”
“It’s not your job,” I say. “I was so far down the wrong path I couldn’t see my own way out.”
“But Brayden gets you.” He rubs his eyes behind his glasses. “Shit. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. You two look so mismatched. But you two never…these last couple of weeks…”
“No,” I say. “Nothing ever happened. And I have no idea what will happen. But you deserve someone who’s a match to you and how amazing you are.”
When I ask him about Mindy, he smiles ruefully.
“I understand why you’re curious. Nothing has happened, but we did really hit it off from the start. I certainly wasn’t looking for it to turn into…” He trails off and looks at me. “And I know you weren’t, either. I get that. I just want to see everything clearly,” Phillip whispers, tears in his eyes. “I guess I was so busy doing that, I stopped seeing you.”
